Rainbows, fish, marshmallows & dirty little toes...

Rainbows, fish, marshmallows, dirty little toes, & priceless moments that is what my weekend consisted of. Breathtaking to be able to sit back and take it all in. For many of you reading this, you have no idea how hard these past few months have been for me. Many people know that Jason & I have an enormous struggle trying to get pregnant, took us nearly 6 years with Karly-miscarriages, hormone shots, too many dr to name & enough tears to fill an ocean- God finally gave us this very special little gift. I would go through every painful day all over again for the same outcome. (but I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to!)

Psalm 30:5 "The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter" (The Message)

Jason and I would like one more (me probably a little more than Jason, but who's counting!) Like all people who can't get preg, we don't even say the "b" word in our house (birth-control!) I had this moment where it hit me, we are in the same cycle, its been nearly 3 years and I am still not pregnant. Really God? really?! For many years now my heart has ached for adoption but before Karly, I had this desire to have "my own", yes it may sound selfish but I knew I had to. But this time was different. One day my heart just opened & as much as I had wanted to get pregnant with Karly, I wanted to adopt a child. I felt as though I could already picture this baby. After about a month of praying about it & researching I decided that it might be a good idea to talk to my husband about this! LOL. So as I begin to tell him that I thought we needed to talk I had something on my mind, he says "I already know, it's baby talk isn't it?" He knew exactly what I was saying without saying a word. We both agreed it was time. Only to find out a couple weeks later that this yearning in our heart was about to be squandered on; that not only can we not adopt but our file will not even be considered (thanks to Jason's past). I was angry, saddened, how could this be? We are a healthy, great family with so much love! I soon found myself at a far too familiar place of questioning God & questioning myself.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be" --CS Lewis

Jason came home from work on Thurs & said lets cancel all our plans & take a weekend away. PURE BLISS rang through my head! I could not have said it better myself. I needed time to think & to get over myself. I threw clothes together, fought with a crabby toddler & in the car we went!

There is nothing I love more than solitude, when it comes just at the right time. I was able to sit back & watch; see all that God has given me. I somehow managed to fall deeper in love with this life God has blessed me with. A man that truly, deeply wants to be the greatest father & husband to me. A daughter who embraces life as God intended us to, never missing a chance to smell a flower or dance just cause it makes her happy. Most of the weekend I sat back & watched as my heavenly father reminded me of how much He loves me. I am reminded to cherish every moment we have, the small moments like watching your baby catch her 1st fish, or the surprise on my husbands face while catching a catfish, sitting together and roasting marshmallows- these are the days! I am so grateful for the time I had this weekend to love on my family & let God love on me. As we were driving out of town to come back home we saw a mama & baby deer with thrilled Karly to no end, and then Jason said hurry look, and there was a small but bright little rainbow in the sky. Some might say, oh its a coincidence but I knew that was placed there especially for me- God never ever breaks a promise!

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future."

My Starbucks Creeper...

For those of you that have not heard my story, I have the creepiest story to tell! Ok, as most of you know Jason & I have a date night every Thursday night. A few weeks ago we decided to go see the movie Inception (which I HIGHLY recommend). If you have seen the movie you will understand how this ties in with what I am about to tell you. That night I had a dream & in my dream I was at my husbands office and he was training these two guys. I walked in and the one of them thought he knew me but we could not figure out how he knew me... woke up from the dream and didn't really think anything about it. That following morning my mom & I were out running errands together and as usual made a Starbucks stop. God knows I cannot live without my coffee fix! I walked in and went into a moment of panic. One of the guys that was in my dream was sitting in a chair to the left of me! OMG! My mom said, "LeAnn what is wrong with you?" I begin to tell her that, that guy was in my dream. She says "oh you know him?" "No!, I replied never seen him in my life until in my dream last night!" We went on with the rest of the day still not able to get him out of my head. A few days later I am in the car with my sister (Kelly) and I look over & there he is again! AHHHH! I begin to tell her the story, & now she is starting to freak out. Since then I have seen this man a total of 5 times. I now call him my 'starbuck's creeper'. Every time I see him I get more & more creeped out. Do I talk to him, is he stalking me, & why the heck was he in my dream. A good friend of mine tells me, "you need to pray for him" ha! Pray for him, how about pray for me?! Since he might be my attacker! LOL. So if anyone out there knows about dream analysis, could you please help a girl out? Until then I think I am going to start carrying mace, just in case!

Happy Birthday Joyce!

Last Sunday we took Jason's mom to the Missouri Botanical Gardens. It was a great time! And I still cannot believe it but it was Joyce's 1st time ever to go there. I think that she enjoyed her time there, but we will have to go again once the weather cools off!

So Long Elephant Poop!

So, since my baby girl has been born she has been haunted with a weak digestive system, from the day she was born we struggled with breast milk, formula, reg milk, soy, rice, you name it I've tried it! WARNING:(this might be TMI for some!) Well along the way my baby has what we, in our house call, "Elephant Poop"- the largest human poop I have EVER seen. The length of my hand & the width of a baseball, no, I am not at all exaggerating & I have many friends that have seen it-- YUCK! To make a long story short, I took away all dairy, started on prune juice, apple juice, extra fiber, anything that might make this easier on her, all to get the same results. Called our most fabulous pediatrician & we started on a lot of Miralax, worked for a couple days then back to the same old "Elephant Poop". I was feeling helpless for my baby. Did I mention how stubborn my child is? When she thinks something will hurt her, she is NOT gonna do it! So she was able to hold "it" in for 6-10 days at a time all to end up screaming & nearly passed out after passing the beast! So, another call to the doctor, thank God she loves us, to start blood work on her thyroid & celiac. Me being the research junkie that I am (come on I have a degree in it! Give me a break) I start reading all the info I can on these 2 possibilities: and sure enough celiac, my child has every symptom, shoot, I have every symptom & it is hereditary! Blood work for the thyroid came back & it is beautiful. In the mean time I have self diagnosed her & decided to put her on a gluten free diet... waa-lahh, poop! Daily, perfect, regular poop! Never did I think I could be so happy to see poop! She is happier & not complaining that her belly hurts. She is now eating the house down, the gluten free house that is! So regardless of those celiac results, this house is from now on gluten free! I am on a reading frenzy for info & recipes. Wow- I am so thrilled & elated to have found a solution to "Elephant Poops"! Any of you out there that know much about this or have recipes... post them PLEASE!!!

Are you chocolate or vanilla?

So we are at dinner with my in-laws the other night & the manager comes to ask us how dinner was & so on... As he starts to walk away Karly looks up at my with the most serious face, "Mom mom is he chocolate?" The mind of a child. I did in fact confirm that if she is vanilla than he is indeed chocolate. She thought that was great. However since then I have found her licking her arm tasting herself. I may have really confused her! LOL. If only everyone could see life as sweet as a child.

An oldie but A goodie... With Age Comes Beauty

SO for the past few months now I have been in deep thought-- the past 6 months have been some of the best and worst of my life. Which put me into this state of surreal consciousness. I was one of those people that always struggled to “find myself” I would see other people (girls) who had this specific plan and way of life- they knew exactly what they wanted and seemed to know exactly who they were-- this was the complete opposite of me! I admired these people, earnestly tried to be like them, forcing myself to have a specific plan, but in return would make me crazy! I am SOOO left brained. I am the person that would live in a different state every month, would backpack around the world, who would never wear the same lipstick color everyday, or could only have one pair of black or brown shoes. I would have never made it in Catholic school, wearing a uniform! Last January I decided that my new years resolution was to be “GENUINE” to myself, not be who I think people want me to be but to be me. I would no longer look down at myself because I could not seem to be this “career woman”... Not be ashamed that I wasn’t the life of the party, or embarrassed that I am not good with words and cannot think quick on my feet---WOW has it changed me! I have always been very bright and a very quick learner but when it came to knowing myself I was a very slow learner. In allowing myself to throw out all these” rules” I had created for myself, these rules that I thought created the perfect woman, I have in turn become the person I always wanted to be. I seemed to gain a load of confidence and allowed myself to be ok with who I am, in return finding myself more beautiful. As you women know, physical beauty only last so long, so it was true beauty I was seeking. My 20’s have been an amazing time of growth and probably the best years of my life yet. Getting married, birthing a child-- AMAZING! I have throughly loved learning the things that make me come to life-- trying new things, but also allowing myself to fail at things. What I found: I hate office work, I hate talking on the phone, being put on the spot, and even though I am good at it, I don’t like to organize. I absolutely love getting to have freedom in being creative, love photography, web designing, drawing & writing. I love to listen to a good book (thank god for audio!, I hate reading), I love to just give of myself to a needy cause, I love running & taking the time to focus and think about life. I LOVE taking care of my family & getting to dance in the kitchen with my baby girl (she doesn’t know that I am a bad dancer!), I love surprising people, I love reading health journals & hot topics, I love sweet tea & fried zucchini. I love to garden, but only the easy things like peppers :) I love alone time. My favorite is waking in the morning and having the man, the #1 fan of my life hold me- that is the best start to everyday. Life throws many curves, many of which I took this year, but those curves allowed me to take opportunities that I don’t normally take. I show those I love how much I love them. And for me to recognize that I do not have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t need to like me-- I am now perfectly ok with that. So, when it is all said and done I may not make $100K a year, and some might not think that I live a prestigious life-- but one thing I know is that I LOVE my life and I am blessed every day of it.

Happy Belated 4th!

HAPPY 4th of JULY!

So starting this a little late but better late than never, right?! This 4th was a lot of fun. Karly LOVED the fireworks! We went to a parade & then to the Ofallon carnival. Discovered that my child is not so much the adrenaline junkie. She only liked one ride & stuck to me like glue most of the night. We are figuring out that Karly does not like crowds or chaotic situations therefore carnival might not be in the plans for next year! Either way, we had a great time with family & friends!