Psalm 30:5 "The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter" (The Message)
Jason and I would like one more (me probably a little more than Jason, but who's counting!) Like all people who can't get preg, we don't even say the "b" word in our house (birth-control!) I had this moment where it hit me, we are in the same cycle, its been nearly 3 years and I am still not pregnant. Really God? really?! For many years now my heart has ached for adoption but before Karly, I had this desire to have "my own", yes it may sound selfish but I knew I had to. But this time was different. One day my heart just opened & as much as I had wanted to get pregnant with Karly, I wanted to adopt a child. I felt as though I could already picture this baby. After about a month of praying about it & researching I decided that it might be a good idea to talk to my husband about this! LOL. So as I begin to tell him that I thought we needed to talk I had something on my mind, he says "I already know, it's baby talk isn't it?" He knew exactly what I was saying without saying a word. We both agreed it was time. Only to find out a couple weeks later that this yearning in our heart was about to be squandered on; that not only can we not adopt but our file will not even be considered (thanks to Jason's past). I was angry, saddened, how could this be? We are a healthy, great family with so much love! I soon found myself at a far too familiar place of questioning God & questioning myself.
"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be" --CS Lewis
Jason came home from work on Thurs & said lets cancel all our plans & take a weekend away. PURE BLISS rang through my head! I could not have said it better myself. I needed time to think & to get over myself. I threw clothes together, fought with a crabby toddler & in the car we went!
There is nothing I love more than solitude, when it comes just at the right time. I was able to sit back & watch; see all that God has given me. I somehow managed to fall deeper in love with this life God has blessed me with. A man that truly, deeply wants to be the greatest father & husband to me. A daughter who embraces life as God intended us to, never missing a chance to smell a flower or dance just cause it makes her happy. Most of the weekend I sat back & watched as my heavenly father reminded me of how much He loves me. I am reminded to cherish every moment we have, the small moments like watching your baby catch her 1st fish, or the surprise on my husbands face while catching a catfish, sitting together and roasting marshmallows- these are the days! I am so grateful for the time I had this weekend to love on my family & let God love on me. As we were driving out of town to come back home we saw a mama & baby deer with thrilled Karly to no end, and then Jason said hurry look, and there was a small but bright little rainbow in the sky. Some might say, oh its a coincidence but I knew that was placed there especially for me- God never ever breaks a promise!
Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future."
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