Highlight Rolls.

I read this quote this morning another friend had posted & it resonated so deeply in my heart. These simple words hold so much truth.  Sometimes we only see the highlights of people, or we meet someone when they have reached the top of their mountain. We judge their life but what we see in the moment on top of the mountain, but we forget to ask about the climb.

For me personally, if you meet me in this season of life, or only know me through the Insta world, I understand how it could seem like we have it all together, it might look like we have "arrived". In the eyes of the world I guess some might say, we have "it made". But if you really know us & have known us for a long time, you know we had some ginormous mountains to climb to get here. From years learning how to make a blended family work,  learning of how two people with such polar opposite personalities could possibly live peacefully with each other,  years of infertility, miscarriages & specialists. Almost loosing our home & everything we owned. Wondering how we would have enough gas to pick up our daughter from school. Having to ask friends & family for money for groceries, one of the most humbling experiences of our lives. There are many struggles we have had along they way that I could share with you, but I think you get the picture. We have fought & fought hard to get to where we are today. That is not to say that today is perfect, today comes with new set of struggles as we enter a new season of dealing with the health of our own parents, helping our youngest manage through life with SPD, and helping our 10 year old juggle new emotions, hormone shifts & finding her passions in life. I have learned that no matter the struggle, we will find joy in the journey & be stronger for it. I have learned to embarace  the pain. The struggles in the climb make the mountain view that much more glorious!

So if you look at me or someone else & you only see the highlight roll, I urge you to look deeper to ask questions, to not judge but rejoice with them.

How we got here...

Yes, I love my step daughter & we have a great relationship, I love the unique bond that we share-She's been with me in my marriage since day one. We are really good at ganging up on Dad together ;) She gives awesome advise, helps keep me in style. She understands my kids & loves them like her own, cause they are her sisters after all! She knows the craziness of our extended families, all the holiday traditions, family board meetings.... It's like having a friend who knows all your secrets, inside jokes & still loves you. But she will be one of the first to tell you it was not always this way. There were many days when she thought I was the wicked witch & I thought she was the bride of chuckie- just kidding!! {Needed a little humor ;) } But I did think I had made a mistake by marrying someone with a child. If you are a step parent out there, hats off to you! It is one of the hardest jobs but I can tell you, be patient & keep loving them the best way you know how. One day it will pay off!

When Jason & I went through pre marital counseling, we had to take a stack of personality test. I'll never forget the pastor sat across from us & said, "Well... you will either be the perfect balance for each other or you will kill each other!" LOL! He was right! I was a 1, he was a 10 on everything! I have to tell you the first 5 years of our marriage, I am pretty sure we both wanted to kill each other. We both thought we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. There was no honeymoon phase. Through the years we have learned to love & appreciate each others differences, we have learned to balance each other. I am the piglet, to jason's tigger like style. As the saying goes, "You keep me safe, I'll keep you wild." That sums up our relationship. And I can honestly say now, that he is my very best friend, and there is no one in this world better suited for me.

I was recently accused of being "too proud" of my kids. In the moment that statement really hurt my feelings but after processing it I decided, if there is anything in life I want to be accused of, I'll take that one! I hope that my kids think that! I can only speak from my perspective but as a women who never thought she would ever have the opportunity to become a MOM, you better believe it is my favorite job. We went through so much & no one will never know, all the tears & prayers shed for each of my children. And even still as we have tried for #3, it is not easy. I have always felt like I would have 3. We are still wanting & trying every month for that number of completion & I have to tell you no matter how many months pass it doesn't get easier, you get stronger. If #3 never happens for us, I am perfectly content with that. Because yes, I love being a mom, I am unapologetically proud of my girls, simply because I can call them mine. Simply because they call me MOM. I have a conversation often with our 10 year old that goes like this " Just do your best, all you can be is 100 % Karly & no one else can be her. I don't care what part you get, if you play the entire song wrong, if you don't make ever touch the ball, or if you fail on a test, I am proud of you & will love you always because you are mine!"

The material things we have now are nice but I can tell you they mean very little to us. Neither Jason or I came from money. We came from hard working parents doing everything they could to provide the best for their families. My husband has had to work his tail off, from over coming addictions, a criminal record, a really ugly past, to get to where he is today. He continues to put in countless hours & also teach others to do what he is doing.  He did not graduate from college & walk into a cooshie job, not many people would give someone with his background a chance, so he had to build himself & his business on his own.

I say all this for one reason, when you look at my feed or meet someone & think they are living the fairytale, and think their life is fake, remember there is a more than meets the eye. Their mountain may be huge, they may be living large & their view is breathtaking, but most likely so was that mountain they had to climb. So rejoice with them, be happy for them, grab hands & walk with them on their journey so that you too can enjoy the view.

As lyrics from one of my favorite songs says:

",,,You bring me up here on this mountain

For me to rest and learn and grow

I see the truth up on the mountain And I carry it to the world far belowSo as I go down to the valleyKnowing that You will go with meThis is my prayer, LordHelp me to remember what You've shown meUp on the mountain..."

Is Santa Real?

Is Santa real?
Where does Santa live?
How does he get to every single person's house in one night?
How old is Santa?
Does Santa like nuts in his cookies?
Why does every mall Santa look different?

These are a handful of the questions I have answered through the years a long with many more & I am sure there are more to come since my youngest is only 4.

About a month ago Jason & I started talking about when was the right time to tell Karly about the in's & out's of Santa. Yes, in this family, we believe! Christmas is a HUGE event, we look forward to all year. I have the greatest honor being raised in a family whose holiday traditions could warm any grinch heart. From Christmas Eve sleepovers & marshmallow fights to cranberry tea, appetizer night, and maw maw's treasure hunt. We truly believe you are only a child once and it should hold as much magic as possible.

Karly is almost 10-- ahhh!! double digits are so close! She has never really pressed me on questioned Santa. Kids have told her he isn't real but she would always tell me, "Mom, I bet they think that because they are on the naughty list!" lol.  And how could I argue with such great deductive reasoning?! As she has gotten older it has been much harder to keep the secret. After many conversations, Jason & I both knew it was time. Most of her extracurriculars are with older kids & it has always been our goal to tell her in a way that would be special, not let some little punk crush her heart; there will be enough opportunities for that when she is much older ;). We believe that unveiling this secret didn't have to be traumatizing or heart breaking but could be a lesson of something much greater. We planned for the day & made a big event out of it. Like a rite of passage. Meredith spent the day with Maw Maw & so we should have a "Karly day". When she woke that morning we presented her with this letter: (thanks to Pinterest I was able to find some letters & tweak them to make them fit for our family)

Dear Karly,

We’ve been waiting for this day to come. We have talked & wondered when the right time would be to let you in on a very special secret. The biggest secret you may ever have to keep! Dad & I have watched you grow so much this year, we see you growing into such a beautiful girl. We believe that you are ready for this very very special secret.

Through the years you have asked if Santa is real. Some kids may have told you he is not, or that it is just your parents. We know that you have wanted to know the real answer to this question for a really long time. The truth is no, your Dad & I are not Santa. Yes, Santa does exist! Just not as you have thought. 

We are the ones who fills your stocking, shop for gifts, wrap your presents placed underneath the tree on Christmas Morning, the same way our parents did for us and their parents did for them. And I imagine you will do for your children some day. You will love seeing the joy on their faces & the excitement of Christmas.

But this could never make any one of us Santa. Santa is the Magic of Christmas, it is lots and lots of people who keep the Spirit of Christmas alive. The spirit of Christmas lives in our hearts- not at the North Pole. It is love and magic and the spirit of giving to others.  What it does is simple but so powerful. Believing in Santa teaches children how to believe in something they cannot see. One of the most important lessons in life. 

Throughout your life you will need this lesson to believe in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, in your family, but most of all to believe in God. You will need to be able to believe in things you cannot measure or hold in your hand, like love, faith, joy, peace.

Now you know how the man in the red suit gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve, he has a lot of help from people whose hearts are filled with joy, and want to share this joy with others. With full hearts, people like, Mommy & Daddy do a job that otherwise would be impossible.

So no we are not Santa, no one person could do what Santa does. The spirit of Christmas is kept alive by those whom hearts are filled with love and magic, hope and happiness. It is having faith to believe in something we cannot see. Just like how we must have faith to believe in Jesus. Until we get to heaven we will never be able to see Jesus but we know that He lives with us everyday. Jesus wants us to spread His love & joy to those around us, He wants us to be watchful for those in need. He wants us to think of others first. Just like Santa does on Christmas.

We are on his team, and now you are too!

Now that you are on his team, you have a very important job! It is your job to keep the Spirit of Christmas  alive for others who do not yet know the secret. You must never tell a friend, cousin or sister of this secret! Your job now is to listen closely to those around you mention things they could use or notice things that other people around you need. And when you do, you now get to be Santa to someone else! You will soon understand that is really is more fun to give than to receive! We want you to be watching & listening this season & when you hear someone say they need something, make note of it. And then talk to Mom & Dad so we can help you purchase the item, then you will buy, wrap & leave gifts for someone, signed Santa. They will never know it was you, you must not ever tell them. That is the magic of Santa, the spirit of Christmas, loving & sharing joy with others!

So you have a very big job this year, one that we are trusting you with. Your sister still has many years before she is ready to know this Christmas secret. So on Thanksgiving it is now your turn to hide, create & play one of the best games of Christmas. It is now your turn to plan, hide, create actives for Dorothy. You are such a great teacher I know that you will do a great job!

Now today, it’s time for us to get ready & head out to shop for the arrival of Dorothy!

Xoxo,

Mom & Dad

She sat reading intently hanging on to every last word. And we were relieved to hear that she was not upset or sad, but ready to go shop! We spent the morning hitting Starbucks (cause that is what big girls do!) and making mischievous plans for our little elf. 

She was so excited to be in on the secret, that our elf had to come a day early...

After a couple nights of being Santa's helper, I was putting her to bed & she said, "Mom thanks for letting me be Dorothy (our elf).I really love doing it for Meredith" It was one of the sweetest moments I have had as a parent. One of those moments when you feel like maybe you aren't so shabby after all. lol. Maybe I am doing something right! I am amazed at how much love & thought she puts into her new role. I have no doubt that she was ready to give up this little piece of her childhood, her heart has been growing, and although I have moments that I wish I could sit her under the tree & watch the magic in her twinkling face. My heart loves seeing her pour that same magic into someone else. It's the bittersweet moment of knowing my role as a parent , isn't to keep them my little children, but to raise amazing adults. For us this was a big event, and I am sure everyone has their own way of sharing this secret, so no matter how this plays out in your family, we wish you the merriest, happiest Christmas! 

(PS: this mama also loves not having to remembering to move the elf  any more;)