Learning to Hygge.

Today was a different kinda day in our homeschool. Today in the middle of our work day my girls began playing together and what was meant to be a 5 min break turned into a 2+ hour break; and later we ended the day closing the books & saying let's just do it tomorrow!

I was busy doing other household things & the longer I listened the more giggles I heard echoing through the walls,  imaginative play was at its best. The empty space underneath a bunk bed was transformed into a Sweet-Treat Shop, bendable wax straws became signature candies, special orders, deliveries, & new customers by the dozen. It made my heart pause and savor precious moments. A simple moment that allowed my soul to breathe. It's in the deep breaths of life, the ordinary moments that feel nothing short of extraordinary, when I am reminded that they are still children without a care in the world, innocence intact, trust bountiful, grace & forgiveness effortless.

My goal this year for myself, & for our home is to make room for "CALM" to allow more space in all aspects of our lives: our physical home, our schedules, our hearts, our love. Creating space to free us to do the things that truly, deeply matter to us. To have time to drop off a cake to my sister just because I want her to try it, to make a meal for a friend who is sick, to take the girls to a college basketball game, to read a book, to actually write a thank-you note,  to watch classic chick flicks, to bake a recipe that reminds me of my Granny, to invite friends over for a game night, to try a new recipe,  to have a real conversation without feeling rushed...
or a word that would best describe my goal, more "Hygge" (hoo-gah) if you are Danish, or are a nerd like me & are obsessed with the ways of the Danes you will understand.

Everything about this moment was Hygge. I had laundry up to my ears, the house a disaster of breakfast still out on the counter, donation truck arriving to pick up disguarded items, the dogs chasing the cats, the cats chasing the chickens (somedays my house is more like a zoo than a home), I was trying to squeeze in one more workout, it is cold outside with left over piles of brown snow outside, white chalky dust covering my hardwood floors from the snow & salt, but together there was warmth, candles burning & a wood burning fire smoldering, meaningful interactions, love & laughter. A moment that I did not want to end. Yes we still had American history, Astronomy, Grammar & Bible to complete before we could call it a day, but for some reason deep inside me, I could not make them stop.

I am type A,  a rule follower, I love a schedule, organizing gets me excited, I live by my calendar & lists, so when I say that we begin school at 9 & have specific subjects to get done before the day ends, that is what we do. Flexibility is something I am constantly reminding myself of. The past few years I have struggled to learn the balance between work & play while homeschooling.  But today my heart said 'let them play'
                 -- in just a few years the hormones will be raging & there will be much bigger problems then the Sweet shop running out of sweets, or Meredith putting her arm through the wrong hole of the dress her character was wearing. There may come a day when my girls are not best friends. There will be a day when boyfriends come before their sister & the only dress up they will be playing will be that of prom dresses with lofty price tags  & screams of "YOU STOLE THAT FROM MY CLOSET!" There may be a day in the near future when they aren't together 24/7, and they won't have as many opportunities for play.

As a little sister myself, I can tell you that I don't remember much of what I learned from school, I am constantly reteaching myself concepts that I learned in school but didn't retain (thank God for google!) but I do remember, like it was yesterday all the memories I have growing up with sisters...

                  --all the nights I spent babysitting with my sister, the freezing cold car rides, singing all the way home "Can't no body... ", the $5 I got for helping her babysit, I remember our trips to Target,  that she'd jump the curb everyday turning into school to drop me off & we'd laugh about it every single time as if it didn't just happen the day before, my first sleepover at my sisters new house after she had gotten married, riding in the hatch of a CRX all the way to FL (apparently there were not seat belt laws like there are today) lol., my sister's water breaking in McDonalds & me thinking I was going to have to deliver a baby at 13yrs old, seeing my first niece for the very first time knowing that our hearts would be forever woven together, or the time we bought the family Christmas tree & tied it to the roof of the car not realizing we tied the doors shut too! LOLLLL! I remember her letting me sneak in her bed cause I hated sleeping alone (oh & sorry for that time I pee'd your bed!).  The firework stand & late night jumps on the trampoline. I could go on for hours, I have so many incredible memories with my sisters.

I try to remind myself often that I am not raising children, I am raising adults. And at the end of the day I really don't care if they know how many moons Saturn has or the name of the oldest naval vessel still afloat today... (by the way I totally had to look both of those up to teach. lol) what I care about is their hearts, their souls, I want them to look back at their childhood with happy memories. I know today's world is so focused on being the best, the top, the smartest, the push, the drive to always be better than the next- we now have preschoolers tutoring, oh & if you didn't know preschool now starts at 2 yr old?! Training kids in sports as if every single child will become a professional athlete or Olympian, not to mention the amount of money being poured out for all these activities & for what? (I'm guilty of this too!)  But maybe that is part of the problem, kids aren't playing enough (and Im not talking about sports). I have read every article on academia & recess time that I can get my hands on. All I know is as a mother having one child who is labeled by our education system as academically "gifted" & one that is labeled "special school district" who struggles with traditional learning, here is what I know to be true, neither child struggles or excels while playing. While playing they are all on equal fields, they are solving problems, working together, making goals, learning to resolve conflict all the while laughing & having fun. No one feeling superior or inferior, they're just kids, being kids. They have no labels, no test, no number or measure of their intelligence. They are happy. And I don't know about you but I sure do learn better when I am happy then when I am being tested.

SO for all you homeschool moms take a break & let them play, they won't remember how to solve the quadratic equation when they are 30 anyways. For all the teachers out there take an extra recess, breathe in the fresh air & give yourself a pat on the back cause you deserve it!

Here's to playing more, stressing less & filling our souls with happy memories!

Highlight Rolls.

I read this quote this morning another friend had posted & it resonated so deeply in my heart. These simple words hold so much truth.  Sometimes we only see the highlights of people, or we meet someone when they have reached the top of their mountain. We judge their life but what we see in the moment on top of the mountain, but we forget to ask about the climb.

For me personally, if you meet me in this season of life, or only know me through the Insta world, I understand how it could seem like we have it all together, it might look like we have "arrived". In the eyes of the world I guess some might say, we have "it made". But if you really know us & have known us for a long time, you know we had some ginormous mountains to climb to get here. From years learning how to make a blended family work,  learning of how two people with such polar opposite personalities could possibly live peacefully with each other,  years of infertility, miscarriages & specialists. Almost loosing our home & everything we owned. Wondering how we would have enough gas to pick up our daughter from school. Having to ask friends & family for money for groceries, one of the most humbling experiences of our lives. There are many struggles we have had along they way that I could share with you, but I think you get the picture. We have fought & fought hard to get to where we are today. That is not to say that today is perfect, today comes with new set of struggles as we enter a new season of dealing with the health of our own parents, helping our youngest manage through life with SPD, and helping our 10 year old juggle new emotions, hormone shifts & finding her passions in life. I have learned that no matter the struggle, we will find joy in the journey & be stronger for it. I have learned to embarace  the pain. The struggles in the climb make the mountain view that much more glorious!

So if you look at me or someone else & you only see the highlight roll, I urge you to look deeper to ask questions, to not judge but rejoice with them.

How we got here...

Yes, I love my step daughter & we have a great relationship, I love the unique bond that we share-She's been with me in my marriage since day one. We are really good at ganging up on Dad together ;) She gives awesome advise, helps keep me in style. She understands my kids & loves them like her own, cause they are her sisters after all! She knows the craziness of our extended families, all the holiday traditions, family board meetings.... It's like having a friend who knows all your secrets, inside jokes & still loves you. But she will be one of the first to tell you it was not always this way. There were many days when she thought I was the wicked witch & I thought she was the bride of chuckie- just kidding!! {Needed a little humor ;) } But I did think I had made a mistake by marrying someone with a child. If you are a step parent out there, hats off to you! It is one of the hardest jobs but I can tell you, be patient & keep loving them the best way you know how. One day it will pay off!

When Jason & I went through pre marital counseling, we had to take a stack of personality test. I'll never forget the pastor sat across from us & said, "Well... you will either be the perfect balance for each other or you will kill each other!" LOL! He was right! I was a 1, he was a 10 on everything! I have to tell you the first 5 years of our marriage, I am pretty sure we both wanted to kill each other. We both thought we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. There was no honeymoon phase. Through the years we have learned to love & appreciate each others differences, we have learned to balance each other. I am the piglet, to jason's tigger like style. As the saying goes, "You keep me safe, I'll keep you wild." That sums up our relationship. And I can honestly say now, that he is my very best friend, and there is no one in this world better suited for me.

I was recently accused of being "too proud" of my kids. In the moment that statement really hurt my feelings but after processing it I decided, if there is anything in life I want to be accused of, I'll take that one! I hope that my kids think that! I can only speak from my perspective but as a women who never thought she would ever have the opportunity to become a MOM, you better believe it is my favorite job. We went through so much & no one will never know, all the tears & prayers shed for each of my children. And even still as we have tried for #3, it is not easy. I have always felt like I would have 3. We are still wanting & trying every month for that number of completion & I have to tell you no matter how many months pass it doesn't get easier, you get stronger. If #3 never happens for us, I am perfectly content with that. Because yes, I love being a mom, I am unapologetically proud of my girls, simply because I can call them mine. Simply because they call me MOM. I have a conversation often with our 10 year old that goes like this " Just do your best, all you can be is 100 % Karly & no one else can be her. I don't care what part you get, if you play the entire song wrong, if you don't make ever touch the ball, or if you fail on a test, I am proud of you & will love you always because you are mine!"

The material things we have now are nice but I can tell you they mean very little to us. Neither Jason or I came from money. We came from hard working parents doing everything they could to provide the best for their families. My husband has had to work his tail off, from over coming addictions, a criminal record, a really ugly past, to get to where he is today. He continues to put in countless hours & also teach others to do what he is doing.  He did not graduate from college & walk into a cooshie job, not many people would give someone with his background a chance, so he had to build himself & his business on his own.

I say all this for one reason, when you look at my feed or meet someone & think they are living the fairytale, and think their life is fake, remember there is a more than meets the eye. Their mountain may be huge, they may be living large & their view is breathtaking, but most likely so was that mountain they had to climb. So rejoice with them, be happy for them, grab hands & walk with them on their journey so that you too can enjoy the view.

As lyrics from one of my favorite songs says:

",,,You bring me up here on this mountain

For me to rest and learn and grow

I see the truth up on the mountain And I carry it to the world far belowSo as I go down to the valleyKnowing that You will go with meThis is my prayer, LordHelp me to remember what You've shown meUp on the mountain..."

Is Santa Real?

Is Santa real?
Where does Santa live?
How does he get to every single person's house in one night?
How old is Santa?
Does Santa like nuts in his cookies?
Why does every mall Santa look different?

These are a handful of the questions I have answered through the years a long with many more & I am sure there are more to come since my youngest is only 4.

About a month ago Jason & I started talking about when was the right time to tell Karly about the in's & out's of Santa. Yes, in this family, we believe! Christmas is a HUGE event, we look forward to all year. I have the greatest honor being raised in a family whose holiday traditions could warm any grinch heart. From Christmas Eve sleepovers & marshmallow fights to cranberry tea, appetizer night, and maw maw's treasure hunt. We truly believe you are only a child once and it should hold as much magic as possible.

Karly is almost 10-- ahhh!! double digits are so close! She has never really pressed me on questioned Santa. Kids have told her he isn't real but she would always tell me, "Mom, I bet they think that because they are on the naughty list!" lol.  And how could I argue with such great deductive reasoning?! As she has gotten older it has been much harder to keep the secret. After many conversations, Jason & I both knew it was time. Most of her extracurriculars are with older kids & it has always been our goal to tell her in a way that would be special, not let some little punk crush her heart; there will be enough opportunities for that when she is much older ;). We believe that unveiling this secret didn't have to be traumatizing or heart breaking but could be a lesson of something much greater. We planned for the day & made a big event out of it. Like a rite of passage. Meredith spent the day with Maw Maw & so we should have a "Karly day". When she woke that morning we presented her with this letter: (thanks to Pinterest I was able to find some letters & tweak them to make them fit for our family)

Dear Karly,

We’ve been waiting for this day to come. We have talked & wondered when the right time would be to let you in on a very special secret. The biggest secret you may ever have to keep! Dad & I have watched you grow so much this year, we see you growing into such a beautiful girl. We believe that you are ready for this very very special secret.

Through the years you have asked if Santa is real. Some kids may have told you he is not, or that it is just your parents. We know that you have wanted to know the real answer to this question for a really long time. The truth is no, your Dad & I are not Santa. Yes, Santa does exist! Just not as you have thought. 

We are the ones who fills your stocking, shop for gifts, wrap your presents placed underneath the tree on Christmas Morning, the same way our parents did for us and their parents did for them. And I imagine you will do for your children some day. You will love seeing the joy on their faces & the excitement of Christmas.

But this could never make any one of us Santa. Santa is the Magic of Christmas, it is lots and lots of people who keep the Spirit of Christmas alive. The spirit of Christmas lives in our hearts- not at the North Pole. It is love and magic and the spirit of giving to others.  What it does is simple but so powerful. Believing in Santa teaches children how to believe in something they cannot see. One of the most important lessons in life. 

Throughout your life you will need this lesson to believe in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, in your family, but most of all to believe in God. You will need to be able to believe in things you cannot measure or hold in your hand, like love, faith, joy, peace.

Now you know how the man in the red suit gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve, he has a lot of help from people whose hearts are filled with joy, and want to share this joy with others. With full hearts, people like, Mommy & Daddy do a job that otherwise would be impossible.

So no we are not Santa, no one person could do what Santa does. The spirit of Christmas is kept alive by those whom hearts are filled with love and magic, hope and happiness. It is having faith to believe in something we cannot see. Just like how we must have faith to believe in Jesus. Until we get to heaven we will never be able to see Jesus but we know that He lives with us everyday. Jesus wants us to spread His love & joy to those around us, He wants us to be watchful for those in need. He wants us to think of others first. Just like Santa does on Christmas.

We are on his team, and now you are too!

Now that you are on his team, you have a very important job! It is your job to keep the Spirit of Christmas  alive for others who do not yet know the secret. You must never tell a friend, cousin or sister of this secret! Your job now is to listen closely to those around you mention things they could use or notice things that other people around you need. And when you do, you now get to be Santa to someone else! You will soon understand that is really is more fun to give than to receive! We want you to be watching & listening this season & when you hear someone say they need something, make note of it. And then talk to Mom & Dad so we can help you purchase the item, then you will buy, wrap & leave gifts for someone, signed Santa. They will never know it was you, you must not ever tell them. That is the magic of Santa, the spirit of Christmas, loving & sharing joy with others!

So you have a very big job this year, one that we are trusting you with. Your sister still has many years before she is ready to know this Christmas secret. So on Thanksgiving it is now your turn to hide, create & play one of the best games of Christmas. It is now your turn to plan, hide, create actives for Dorothy. You are such a great teacher I know that you will do a great job!

Now today, it’s time for us to get ready & head out to shop for the arrival of Dorothy!

Xoxo,

Mom & Dad

She sat reading intently hanging on to every last word. And we were relieved to hear that she was not upset or sad, but ready to go shop! We spent the morning hitting Starbucks (cause that is what big girls do!) and making mischievous plans for our little elf. 

She was so excited to be in on the secret, that our elf had to come a day early...

After a couple nights of being Santa's helper, I was putting her to bed & she said, "Mom thanks for letting me be Dorothy (our elf).I really love doing it for Meredith" It was one of the sweetest moments I have had as a parent. One of those moments when you feel like maybe you aren't so shabby after all. lol. Maybe I am doing something right! I am amazed at how much love & thought she puts into her new role. I have no doubt that she was ready to give up this little piece of her childhood, her heart has been growing, and although I have moments that I wish I could sit her under the tree & watch the magic in her twinkling face. My heart loves seeing her pour that same magic into someone else. It's the bittersweet moment of knowing my role as a parent , isn't to keep them my little children, but to raise amazing adults. For us this was a big event, and I am sure everyone has their own way of sharing this secret, so no matter how this plays out in your family, we wish you the merriest, happiest Christmas! 

(PS: this mama also loves not having to remembering to move the elf  any more;)

What's for Dinner?

Life is crazy & chaotic these days. We have hit that phase  in life where we are running  EVERY. SINGLE. night; piano, basketball 3 nights a week, karate, swimming, art lessons, American Heritage Girls, theater... and on top of that my husband is gone every night to take care of his parents.
Most nights I am lucky if I remember to feed my kids.
Literally!

I forgot dinner last Wednesday, we were leaving art lessons driving to basketball and Karly says, "Mom, where is dinner?!"  << Whoops! >>  I am pretty sure my kids will never let me live that down.

With no time to run through the drive thru...What to do?...

I started digging in my purse, cause let's be honest every mom knows where to find a leftover snack! I offered a baggie of crushed goldfish and graciously reminded them that some kids in the world are starving, they can survive going without one meal. No one took me up on my goldfish offer. So clearly they were not starving! LOL! (If you ever think I have this parenting thing down, let this be your reminder, I do not! ;)

Tonight we got to sit down as a family & eat dinner. I know this sounds like a ridiculously simple thing, but these days it is incredibly rare. I know that it is just the season of life we are in, but it felt SOO comforting to all be together sharing a healthy homemade meal.

I pulled this recipe off Pinterest  (recipe here) just because I had all the ingredients, but it was a winner! Everyone came back for seconds, even my little picky pants!

**And to you Moms (or Dads) out there, I just want to say, whether you are feeding your child snacks from the bottom of the bag or healthy homemade dinners, you are killing it! Give yourself grace. Laugh at the silly moments and trust me, they will live! Personally, I think my kids enjoyed seeing me scramble & now they forever have a great story to tell, about the time mom forgot to feed them ;) Every kids need a good story to tell! **

Enjoy!

Leaving a Legacy

I'll never forget the first time I met this man, he was tall, strong, built like a linebacker. He had a presence about him that was both intimidating & reassuring. I was walking in for my first "real" grown up interview. I had just moved back home for college, did not want to live at home and was desperate for money. My sister knew of a job opening with a custom home builder, so I made the phone call & got an interview. Now you might think I have a degree in interior design, marketing, sales, architecture or engineering.... nope! I was a psych major. I knew nothing about homes.
This stately white haired man sat across from me, asked me 3 questions:
Do you have kids?
How old are you?
Why should I hire you?
...and said ,"ok I'll have someone call you." It was the easiest interview I have ever had to date. Little did I know that a year later that man would become my father in law.

Although he has never told me I think he loved popping in my office to interrogate me. At the beginning it made me so incredibly nervous. This man who had built a lucrative business was sitting at my desk asking me questions that he had to know the answers to; that I, the new sales assistant, had no clue how to answer! My palms would sweat, my heart would race, I would feel like a babbling idiot, pretty sure I had sweaty pit stains, more than I care to admit. Then one morning he popped in & sat himself back in my chair and begin asking me questions of a more personal content and that was when I realized his interrogation had nothing to do with "work" but had everything to do with getting to know me. He got up from my desk & pointed at me as he walked out the office and said "you're alright kid!" And we began this little banter every morning of me getting him coffee & his asking "did you touch the rim?" (He did not want anyone touching the part he drank from. lol.) It was a series of questions & joking back & forth. If you know him, you know he loves watching people squirm.

As time went on I had babies, ended up leaving that sales assistant position to be a stay at home mom. Watching him with my babies was a sight to see. He was so good at knowing just what they needed. It was like he could just read their little minds. He could interpret each little coo & goo.

This past Father's Day we went to their home for dinner. While Jason played in the yard with the girls he sat across from me & very seriously, so intensely he said " LeAnn, I gotta tell you I think what you are doing with those girls is just great. The things your teaching them, makes me proud. Don't ever stop teaching them." If you know this man you know he is not a giver of warm loving words. That moment meant so much to me. Because he is a man of few affirmations I understood the weight of these words.

Little did I know that 2 weeks later he would be admitted to the hospital for the next 6 months. That his body would be racked with stage 4 cancer in his brain, bones, & lungs, he would suffer strokes, ecoli, bed sores that would leave him screaming in pain, phone calls that he may not make it through the night, and that my husband would now spend every evening/ night in the hospital with him because he needed 24/7 care.
Everyday. every hour. every breath mattered.

When someone you love is suffering it is never easy to watch. But seeing this strong ox of a man now in tears of pain, sunken in cheeks, no muscle to show for, unable to move his arms or legs,  unable to make a complete sentence--your heart completely shatters.

Bill, I could tell you this now but I am not sure that you would remember it or even fully understand. I know there were times that you were not the best father, loosing your own father at the age of 12. You never had an example of what a father should be, you were an absent father while trying to build a business, I know there were times that business decisions tore your family apart, times when family dinners felt more like business meetings. But I have had a front row seat to this stage of your life and I assure you, you are loved. I have watched your kids push themselves to the brink of exhaustion, fight with everything in them to get you the very best care imaginable. Your grandkids surround you with hugs, tears, pictures, ice-cream. Family fly in town to sit by your side. You may have worked your entire life to build a business but somewhere along the way you managed to also built a family that loves you more than you will ever know! I am so proud to call you my family.

So in true Bill fashion, let me just say " you aren't too shabby yourself, Boss!" ---xoxo.

*I wrote this post over a year and a half ago & I never hit publish. This man continued to fight hard, he had so many ups & downs. Days where he was full of life and days we all wondered if he would see tomorrow. Tonight I got "the call" the one you never want to get. But Boss it was time. You fought so long & so hard. I almost couldn't believe it was true cause you beat the odds so many times before! You are the strongest, most stubborn man & I believe you are up in heaven now telling Jesus how the heavenly homes should be built, talking politics & fussing with Grandma Pearl ;) As sad as it is to know that when we pop into visit I won't hear ya say, "Hey look who it is!, your chair will be empty, & no one will be there to feed my kids loads of ice-cream; but I am so happy you are pain free, your body healed, you are HOME. 

Facebook Friends?

I have a love hate relationship with Facebook. Love connecting with long lost friends, catching up with old roomies, keeping up with friends that have moved, seeing friends get married & watching little ones grow... but then there is the politics, the rude comments that people would never say face to face, only showing highlights of life, no real connection, no real meaningful friendships, the MLM selling (yes I went there ;) I can say this because I built an entire business on fb, it works. I get it! (no pun intended)...

The other day I was walking into Target & I saw a girl that I am friends with on FB, we each passed each other without saying a word or even a nod, and I thought to myself, why am I friends with someone in the social media world who I am not even comfortable enough to say "hello" to in person & visa versa. I find it such a strange phenomenon. We let people into our world, see so many details of each others lives, we call them "friends". When in all honesty, we are only FRIENDS with a hand full of our "friends".  I had decided that I was over Facebook. I was tired of the phony friendship, irritated by the people who ask to me be "friend" them but then judge the way we do life, the people who find posts of my kids annoying... I was done wasting time writing posts, reading posts & spending my time on things that didn't matter.
Why was I scrolling Facebook instead of playing pirates with my own little one?

So I decided it was time to step away from the FB world & found it incredibly freeing, uplifting. I was completely out of the loop & loving it. Not long after signing off I started getting messages from friends telling me that they missed my posts, they loved seeing what we were learning, they actually missed what I had to contribute & how I had been encouraging them.  I begin to think about family members who don't have Instagram & they were telling me how much they were missing seeing what we were doing. So I decided to cave.

I'm back...... dun dun dun! ;)

SO maybe we aren't FRIENDS
you don't know my deepest darkest secrets & maybe you are not the one I text at 11pm when I've watched one too many episodes of Grey's & think I now have a terminal disease, or when I have eaten one too many pieces of halloween candy and may need to borrow some spanks! We may never have had an actual face to face conversation, you may not understand that the million posts of my kids is not to show off or say look at me, but they are for Grandma's who miss them. You may think that my educational post are an attack of your educational choice, let me assure you they are not. I come from a family of teachers, public, private, homeschool... I have never met 2 kids the exact same, so believe me when I say do what is best for your child.
{And since we are on the topic & I am on a roll ---
not all homeschooled kids are the same either. Yes, I will be the first to assure you there are some bizarre homeschooled kids out there, but if you have ever walked through ANY school... there are some really bizarre kids everywhere you go! Yes, my kids bathe, brush their hair & gets fully dressed everyday, but somedays we sleep til 9 & we do school on our pj's , just because we can! We actually follow a schedule & curriculum. mind blowing, I know! And to answer you next question: yes, my children get TONS of social interaction, with people of all ages. My girls' social calendar would probably make you dizzy. Lastly, please don't quiz my kids (sigh!) There are those who feel the need to quiz my kids on what they are learning but yet have no idea what curriculum their own child is studying. Seems a bit hypocritical. So... if you feel so inclined to quiz my child, I will suddenly feel the need to quiz you on what your child's education & learning styles, so be ready ;) lol! Ok sorry about that little ramble. I know everyone means well but really folks homeschooling has come a LONG way, the most recent stat I read said 1.8 million students in the US are homeschooled. So if you haven't met a "normal" homeschooler maybe YOU should get out more ;) LOL. } Enough of my rant. oh if you don't know me well enough to know, please insert loads of sarcasm in the previous paragraph ;)}

If you are still reading & my crazy unusual lifestyle inspires you to find what you are passionate about, if I can share with you something fun to do with you child, if I can be an example of a mom who actually likes spending time with her kids, if you think I may be slightly insane but you are intrigued, if you are new to your homeschool journey & you need to know you are not alone, if you want to talk curriculum, learning styles, & parenting techniques, than by golly I am here! I by no means think I have all the answers or that my way is the only way. Being a mom is hard, working full time is hard, being a wife is hard, being a teacher is hard & when you put all those things on the shoulders of one person there are days when you will question your decisions & abilities. If any of this sounds like you, then please "friend" me!

My Stage.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Tonight I stood singing these words over my youngest, very much like I do most every night, nothing unordinary or special about this night. Her eyes heavy, aromas of lavender swirling the room, the twinkling of the stars glimmering through the window, stark quietness, nothing but silence & my voice. I have sang this song over her more than 100x's by now. But tonight she peeked at me with her heavy eyelids, as if bricks were holding them closed, and said "mama sing it again, I love that song."

As I stood on the bottom bunk bed so that I could rub her back, looking slightly crazed, doing somewhat of a circus balancing act between the books & toys scattered on her bed. I had a moment -- God dropped this little nugget into my heart " Perhaps you were created for such a time as this." Ester 4:14

Recently my husband & I were having a conversation about our gifts & passions in life. From the outside I can be hard to figure out. I am a jack of all traits, master of none. But my husband knows that there is nothing I love more than being a mom. He reminded me of what I have always known but afraid to say, afraid that others may see it as bragging, or thinking I think I am better than they are... That... my mom game is strong. :) Nothing makes me come alive like being a mother. Nothing gives me purpose like those two little beauties. Nothing excites me more. I truly love every moment: the sick days, the diapers, the sleepless nights, potty training, first words, first giggles, when they throw their arms up for you to pick them up, rolling them out of the car asleep & juggling them up stairs & into bed, the deep conversations, watching them grow, the "why" phase... I love it all. That is not to say I love all kids this way, there is just something that came alive in me when I became a mom. Something I never knew I needed but always wanted.

Before having my babies, even a few years after having babies, I had spent hours, days, years singing-- the vocal lessons, rehearsals, choirs, solos, competitions, studios, performances, auditions, traveling, scholarships, bands, gigs... It was one of my first loves, if not my very first love. I remember being really young, maybe 5 or 6 & my sister making me a microphone out of duct-tape (what can I say we are Charlie's daughters ;) We can make anything with duct tape!) Music and the stage took me to somewhere life wouldn't allow me to go. It allowed me to be someone I was to shy to be in real life. Friends often asked me "how can you sing in front of thousands but hate making a phone call?" I look back at all the years I spent with a microphone in hand and think perhaps all of that lead me to this very moment to be able to sing sweet lullabies to my sweet baby girl. My girl who doesn't like listening to music, holds her ears in stores because of the music, yells "TOO LOUD" at the radio, yet with every ounce of energy she has left. begs for one more song.

 I was recently having lunch with a former pastor friend and he asked, "Are you still singing?" No, I replied with a sheepish grin, knowing what he was thinking, that I should be. That I was wasting my God given talent..." Really I have no idea what he was thinking but in my mind that is what he wanted to say but so politely didn't.  But the truth is, YES! I am still singing, its not on stage for the world but I am the star, my audience cheers for 'one more song' every night, the gig doesn't pay well but it makes me so rich in love. I don't have to travel or rehearse, sometimes I even make up my own words & no one cares. I am singing for the most important people I have ever met & it is by far my favorite show, and there is no where else I would rather be. The two things I love most in life uniting to fulfill my heart in ways I never knew possible. Perhaps I was created for such a time as this, that whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul.