For me personally, if you meet me in this season of life, or only know me through the Insta world, I understand how it could seem like we have it all together, it might look like we have "arrived". In the eyes of the world I guess some might say, we have "it made". But if you really know us & have known us for a long time, you know we had some ginormous mountains to climb to get here. From years learning how to make a blended family work, learning of how two people with such polar opposite personalities could possibly live peacefully with each other, years of infertility, miscarriages & specialists. Almost loosing our home & everything we owned. Wondering how we would have enough gas to pick up our daughter from school. Having to ask friends & family for money for groceries, one of the most humbling experiences of our lives. There are many struggles we have had along they way that I could share with you, but I think you get the picture. We have fought & fought hard to get to where we are today. That is not to say that today is perfect, today comes with new set of struggles as we enter a new season of dealing with the health of our own parents, helping our youngest manage through life with SPD, and helping our 10 year old juggle new emotions, hormone shifts & finding her passions in life. I have learned that no matter the struggle, we will find joy in the journey & be stronger for it. I have learned to embarace the pain. The struggles in the climb make the mountain view that much more glorious!
So if you look at me or someone else & you only see the highlight roll, I urge you to look deeper to ask questions, to not judge but rejoice with them.
How we got here...
Yes, I love my step daughter & we have a great relationship, I love the unique bond that we share-She's been with me in my marriage since day one. We are really good at ganging up on Dad together ;) She gives awesome advise, helps keep me in style. She understands my kids & loves them like her own, cause they are her sisters after all! She knows the craziness of our extended families, all the holiday traditions, family board meetings.... It's like having a friend who knows all your secrets, inside jokes & still loves you. But she will be one of the first to tell you it was not always this way. There were many days when she thought I was the wicked witch & I thought she was the bride of chuckie- just kidding!! {Needed a little humor ;) } But I did think I had made a mistake by marrying someone with a child. If you are a step parent out there, hats off to you! It is one of the hardest jobs but I can tell you, be patient & keep loving them the best way you know how. One day it will pay off!
When Jason & I went through pre marital counseling, we had to take a stack of personality test. I'll never forget the pastor sat across from us & said, "Well... you will either be the perfect balance for each other or you will kill each other!" LOL! He was right! I was a 1, he was a 10 on everything! I have to tell you the first 5 years of our marriage, I am pretty sure we both wanted to kill each other. We both thought we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. There was no honeymoon phase. Through the years we have learned to love & appreciate each others differences, we have learned to balance each other. I am the piglet, to jason's tigger like style. As the saying goes, "You keep me safe, I'll keep you wild." That sums up our relationship. And I can honestly say now, that he is my very best friend, and there is no one in this world better suited for me.
I was recently accused of being "too proud" of my kids. In the moment that statement really hurt my feelings but after processing it I decided, if there is anything in life I want to be accused of, I'll take that one! I hope that my kids think that! I can only speak from my perspective but as a women who never thought she would ever have the opportunity to become a MOM, you better believe it is my favorite job. We went through so much & no one will never know, all the tears & prayers shed for each of my children. And even still as we have tried for #3, it is not easy. I have always felt like I would have 3. We are still wanting & trying every month for that number of completion & I have to tell you no matter how many months pass it doesn't get easier, you get stronger. If #3 never happens for us, I am perfectly content with that. Because yes, I love being a mom, I am unapologetically proud of my girls, simply because I can call them mine. Simply because they call me MOM. I have a conversation often with our 10 year old that goes like this " Just do your best, all you can be is 100 % Karly & no one else can be her. I don't care what part you get, if you play the entire song wrong, if you don't make ever touch the ball, or if you fail on a test, I am proud of you & will love you always because you are mine!"
The material things we have now are nice but I can tell you they mean very little to us. Neither Jason or I came from money. We came from hard working parents doing everything they could to provide the best for their families. My husband has had to work his tail off, from over coming addictions, a criminal record, a really ugly past, to get to where he is today. He continues to put in countless hours & also teach others to do what he is doing. He did not graduate from college & walk into a cooshie job, not many people would give someone with his background a chance, so he had to build himself & his business on his own.
I say all this for one reason, when you look at my feed or meet someone & think they are living the fairytale, and think their life is fake, remember there is a more than meets the eye. Their mountain may be huge, they may be living large & their view is breathtaking, but most likely so was that mountain they had to climb. So rejoice with them, be happy for them, grab hands & walk with them on their journey so that you too can enjoy the view.
As lyrics from one of my favorite songs says:
",,,You bring me up here on this mountain
For me to rest and learn and grow
I see the truth up on the mountain And I carry it to the world far belowSo as I go down to the valleyKnowing that You will go with meThis is my prayer, LordHelp me to remember what You've shown meUp on the mountain..."
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