Something to Celebrate

A couple years ago something inside of me begin to stir, it was a difficult time for our family, financially things were very hard due to circumstances out of our control; I was forced into minimal living, I begin reading blogs, articles & books about living simply, being a minimalist. I began selling, cleaning closest, donation drop offs. Somewhere between graduating college & starting a family, I got caught up in lavish living. We didn't spend tons of money foolishly but we begin accumulating "stuff". That is exactly what it was, was stuff, it had very little need or importance. Being forced into this place of less is more, I was not exactly thrilled with having to sell all my stuff, but I knew a must to survive. At the time, it was stuff or groceries. Somewhere in the journey, I developed a secret crush on this new way of living, it was freeing, as if I could breathe again. The stark realization of what is really important in life took my breath away. I would love to say that since then I have learned a perfect minimalist way of living, I have not, I constantly struggle to find that balance of wants, needs & pressures of this world.

Yet I keep coming back to it, I know my soul craves it. Where there is less stuff there is more of what I love. Recently we decided to finish our basement, which meant going through tons of boxes of things that had been packed away in our basement since the day we moved in. If you know me well you know I am in no way a hoarder- I love to throw things away, sell them, give them away, I love to get rid of them in any way I can, however, there are always certain boxes that contain things, memories, that no matter how long it has been I cannot part with them, because I truely love them. They are special, they have meaning to me, they are moments & goods that have created me to be who I am today, they remind me of the girl I used to be- scrapbooks from college, notes my sister would leave on my bathroom mirror, pictures I drew for mom, notes I wrote to my dad, even my first chick pox scab (ewwww!), the outfits I brought my babies home in, the fancy dresses they were dedicated in, the first dozen roses Jason left on my apartment door & tickets to our first concert, the night I knew that this man would be my husband, awards, achievements of all the hours I spent with my nose in books, old journals containing HUGE dreams & lofty goals for a young 16 yr old girl who was ready take on the world, seeing so many of those dreams unfolded now as I have hit my mid 30's and still so many of them tucked away in my heart, souvineers from vacations, trips, concerts, old passports, pictures of people who have came & gone in my life, so many memories. It is these moments, the ones I cannot part with that I want to become the staples of my life. I want to fill my walls literally & figuatively with things I love.

I love nature. being outside, feeling the warmth of the sun, the gently breeze, a soft rain or the crackling of thunder, the smell of fresh cut grass, a freshly fallen snow untouched by one single footprint, green stained finger tips from pulling weeds, the smell of my sweaty kids after they come in from playing outside, splashing in the pool & late night swims.

 I adore the beach, the sound of the waves crashing, the salty scented air, the sand landing in every wrinkle unimaginable. My heart jumps for joy as the first sight of the ocean. I find it so mystery, God speaks to me through the great outdoors, for as long as the eye can see, as many sands as there are on the shore that is His love for me. I am at my best when I am near water, the ocean, a lake, a backyard creek, I find all of them breath taking, I feel close to myself & even closer to the One who created me. It's as if God speaks a little louder to me or perhaps the noise of life dissipates in the crashing of the waves.

 I love creating in all facets, painting, coloring, decorating, cooking, web design, photography. My eye knows when it loves before it ever reaches my heart.

I find such contentment in knowing the things I love.

My daughters big brown eyes, I always wanted brown eyes like my mom,
The particular way my pillows have to lay each night before falling to sleep,
Holding my husbands hand before falling to sleep, the way he tucks me into his arms, shaping me into molds of his safeness & security.
Iced coffee & cherry coke, but oh how I love my iced coffee, it is one of life's greatest treats,
I love planting & watching things grow,
My oldest daughter's gentle spirit & wildly brilliant mind,
My father's obnoxious laugh, & the way my mom ends every phone call,
My sister's chocolate cake can cure any amount of heart ache & make each birthday seem like a monumental celebration,
I feel so beloved that my nieces, now all grown up still, call me "Aunt Lannie",
I love picnics with my family,
The way my husband tucks the girls into bed every night after we have said prayers,
I'm infatuated with silence, stillness, the akward that feels so comforting to me,
I long to coming home, walking into my home after a vacation or maybe just a busy day there is something so refreshing, thirst-quinching about pulling down my long drive & walking through that door,
I crave friendships without mindless chatter, the ones were you can pick up right where you left off, the ones that you can say a million words without one word actually being said,
I admire the color gray & I loved it long before it ever became a trendy color,  Neutrals are my soft spot.
I feel pretty when my legs are wearing in a good pair of heels (everyone should have at least one thing they love about themselves),
The energy after a good workout,
Thrift stores!! I feel myself come alive in a thrift store. There is something stimulating about taking junk & turning into treasure, or hunting out my most adored shirts for 50 cents.

I adore animals, (I guess I know where my 8 yr old gets it from), wether it is a frog stuck in the pool skimmer or a horse galloping through a field I can sit & watch them for hours, hold them, pet them. Since I was a young child I always felt more connected to animals then to humans, I think it was because they never required me to share my thoughts, they just loved my presence,

I have a passion to organize, simplify, a need for systems & structure, much like my appreciation for rules.
I love a sparkly kitchen.
I am absolutely fascinated with old barns- the stories, the history, if walls could talk, hard work & simple lives.
I lust for my husbands amazing dark brown, nearly black hair. I prayed that one of our girls would get his head of hair. It is so luscious, and I am so envious.
I find freedom in convertibles & motorcycles, I love the wind in my hair as if all my worries just blow away into the wind.

I am smitten with holidays, the decorating, the baking, the planning, the dysfunctional families, the excitement, the joy, the loudness, the smells. the craziness, the prep & cleaning, the thrill of surprise, the magic, the love, the sacrifice to make it all possible, I just love holidays.

I'm drawn to arrows, their shape, meaning & reminders to me. If you break an arrow it can never fly the way it was designed to, it will miss the target, its destiny will forever be changed. An arrow that cannot fly on its own, but required to be pulled back in order to fly & if it's handler has skilled himself, he can send that arrow flying to hits its target.

 I love being a mom, I was designed specifically for this job & these two little ladies-- I love snuggles on the couch, late night talks, I love they way they smell, the feel of their hair, how different they are, how each one of them is challenging & easy in their own specific ways, I love their laughter & the love they share. I love being the ones to kiss their booboo's & dry their tears.

I prefer pony tails & being barefoot,
I love old comfy t-shirts & wood burning fireplaces, wind chimes & bird watching,
Sleeping with the windows open & weekends spent in a tent.
Hearing my husband come home after being away, weekly date nights & snuggling up at 9pm to eat snacks & watch our favorite shows.
I delight in photos & relish the nostalgia of old photographs.
My soul finds comfort in routine, similar to that of cherry pie & ice-cream.

These are my boxes filled of items so dear to my heart, the beloved things I cannot throw away. it often feel like life is trying to push out my wants, desires & loves, to fill my boxes with material stuff & surface level relationships. I am rebelling from all the stuff from society, magazines, trends & social media telling me what I should like, what pins I might pin, who I should friend, what stores I should shop at & what memories need to be made.

No, I am not selling everything to live in a little log cabin off the grid (though that does intrigue me), but, I am lining my walls with only the things that make me happy, that soothe my soul, the quirky, the old, the shabby & not so chic, the moments that matter, I will spend my time with those who love the animal adorning, rolling in the grass, frog chasing, camping girl who lives inside of me and spend less time with the ones that make me feel less than, I am vowing to spend more time in silence & loving the simple. My boxes might seem like trash to someone else but to me they are the priceless treasures I want to hold on to forever & apologize for no more. It it time to blown off the dust & unpack...