Where My Mama's At?

For the past few months my husband has been on me to start blogging again. Although I am not exactly sure why he felt the need to encourage me to do this, I knew he was right. I needed to get back to sharing my life in a real & raw way.  Since then I have sat down to blog probably 100 times, you would not believe how many drafts I have sitting, waiting for my to hit PUBLISH, but I just could not do it. Something was stopping me, self doubt, perfectionism, fear... Why am I sharing my life with cyber space? Who in the world would read this? I am not even a good writer, I hate grammar & quite honestly don't care if I missed a comma or quotation. This is a waste of time....All these thoughts would flood my head & spiral out of control, so I would log off & leave another blog marked as DRAFT.

Today it just hit me, almost as if God spoke to my heart & said "Leann write your struggles." See, I have this passion inside me to encourage other moms. I don't know why it is there or even where it came from, or what to do with it somedays. There is nothing I hate more than seeing other moms struggling-- feeling not good enough, that they can't live up to the images & expectations society has places on us, as moms. It goes something like this:

-Make sure your baby is sleeping through the night. 

-What do you mean you used formula? Don't you know that breast is best!? 

-Make your own babyfood

-Your toddler must know how to count to 10 & know all their colors before they are 2.  

-Heaven forbid you tell that toddler "NO" & they throw a tantrum in the middle of Target! 

-Jimmy better be on every select team & the leading scorer, don't forget to sign him up for music class too, cause that helps kids on their test scores.

-Feed your family only clean & organic (Can someone  please tell me what is the difference?)

-Your house better look like a picture of Better Homes & Gardens Magazine. 

-No mom's are allowed mom jeans, no matter how comfy they are! 4" heels, skinny jeans & a cute blouse. Or ungodly expensive active wear is appropriate even though you have no intensions of working out.

-Reads books every night at bedtime

-Your baby is 6 months old,  and you are still wearing maternity clothes?--- NO, NO, NO!

-Why aren't you working out? I mean you can find 20 minutes in your day?

-Family vacation booked & I don't mean to Branson!

-Those kiddos better have matching holiday outfits. 

-Oh & did you schedule the photographer for family pictures, gotta make sure you have the picture perfect photo on those christmas cards, 

-Your car needs to be spotless & able to tote around 10 children at any given moment, 

-Attend every birthday party & do not bring a gift card, must be a well thought out personalized gift.
-Oh & the parties-- what happened to balloons & sheet cakes?! 

-And please be aware if you show up to pick up your child with no make-up on 20 people will ask you how you are feeling?! .... 

UMMMM........ EXHAUSTED!

This is just a smudge of the expectations that society has placed on us as mom & somehow we have fallen into a trap of thinking this way is the better way! If I can't do it ALL then somehow I am a failure of a mother. Ladies, I am speaking to myself here too!

See I really do LOVE being a mom. I am that dork that is the first to sign up for Room Mom, because I truly do love it, and I love throwing elaborate birthday parties. But let me tell you there are a lot of things on this list that I do not love & I am not good at, but yet still kill myself on a daily basis trying to be the best at all of them. This year it will stop! I am vowing to myself & my family, to protect our time to focus on what God has called me to be.

Confession time: I hate Christmas cards, I LOVE christmas it is my favorite time of year but HATE the christmas card craze. The let's look all perfect for a photo that cost a small fortune. I first must wrestle my kids into their coordinating outfits, convince my husband that theses are necessary in which he dreads the entire day & it is just plain stressful. And I kinda secretly love trips to Branson, I have many fond memories of going there as a kid. My toddler is often throwing herself down in the middle of Target screaming  "no hit me mama, no hit me!" (disclaimer-- I do not hit my child, but I do believe that a solid spanking can do a kid a lot of good-- if that offends you, you are welcome to delete me on FB ;)

See we all have different things that make us special & unique. God knew that my girls would love a mom that enjoys throwing parties, decorating, trips to Branson, who loved camping over the Caribbean, who cannot bake a sheet cake if her life depended on it... God knew exactly what these little people needed & he chose ME for them. Because me, in all my faults, insecurities, and mess ups  I would be exactly what they would need. God does not call me to be all these other things. My girls do not care if I buy a cake or make the cake, they don't care if they stay in the fanciest beach front hotel or if we are in a tent in the woods, they do not care if the laundry is done or we have dishes in the sink-- they love me, and I can promise you that your kids don't care either!

So mama out there pulling out your hair, frustrated with yourself, crying at night. STOP! You are enough! I encourage you to do a little soul searching & find what things you love & what things you hate & make some changes in your life! I promise you that there are many doctors that were raised on formula & there are women out there that would do just about anything to have a baby, so stop wasting time on all the things that don't matter & go focus on what makes YOU a GREAT MOM!

It is hard to push back against society & honestly at times it feels weird to explain to people why you have not planned your child's summer full of activities, why you don't invite 50 people to their birthday parties, why you really don't have 20 minutes to work out & that you are completely satisfied wearing a one-piece. There will come a day when I have hours to work out, maybe even money to have a tummy tuck but for now I will sit back in my one-piece with store bought cake soaking up every moment of homemade play-dough & shooting hoops with our family. Oh & if you are reading this & do not get a christmas card from me next year, you will understand why! :)