My Stage.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Tonight I stood singing these words over my youngest, very much like I do most every night, nothing unordinary or special about this night. Her eyes heavy, aromas of lavender swirling the room, the twinkling of the stars glimmering through the window, stark quietness, nothing but silence & my voice. I have sang this song over her more than 100x's by now. But tonight she peeked at me with her heavy eyelids, as if bricks were holding them closed, and said "mama sing it again, I love that song."

As I stood on the bottom bunk bed so that I could rub her back, looking slightly crazed, doing somewhat of a circus balancing act between the books & toys scattered on her bed. I had a moment -- God dropped this little nugget into my heart " Perhaps you were created for such a time as this." Ester 4:14

Recently my husband & I were having a conversation about our gifts & passions in life. From the outside I can be hard to figure out. I am a jack of all traits, master of none. But my husband knows that there is nothing I love more than being a mom. He reminded me of what I have always known but afraid to say, afraid that others may see it as bragging, or thinking I think I am better than they are... That... my mom game is strong. :) Nothing makes me come alive like being a mother. Nothing gives me purpose like those two little beauties. Nothing excites me more. I truly love every moment: the sick days, the diapers, the sleepless nights, potty training, first words, first giggles, when they throw their arms up for you to pick them up, rolling them out of the car asleep & juggling them up stairs & into bed, the deep conversations, watching them grow, the "why" phase... I love it all. That is not to say I love all kids this way, there is just something that came alive in me when I became a mom. Something I never knew I needed but always wanted.

Before having my babies, even a few years after having babies, I had spent hours, days, years singing-- the vocal lessons, rehearsals, choirs, solos, competitions, studios, performances, auditions, traveling, scholarships, bands, gigs... It was one of my first loves, if not my very first love. I remember being really young, maybe 5 or 6 & my sister making me a microphone out of duct-tape (what can I say we are Charlie's daughters ;) We can make anything with duct tape!) Music and the stage took me to somewhere life wouldn't allow me to go. It allowed me to be someone I was to shy to be in real life. Friends often asked me "how can you sing in front of thousands but hate making a phone call?" I look back at all the years I spent with a microphone in hand and think perhaps all of that lead me to this very moment to be able to sing sweet lullabies to my sweet baby girl. My girl who doesn't like listening to music, holds her ears in stores because of the music, yells "TOO LOUD" at the radio, yet with every ounce of energy she has left. begs for one more song.

 I was recently having lunch with a former pastor friend and he asked, "Are you still singing?" No, I replied with a sheepish grin, knowing what he was thinking, that I should be. That I was wasting my God given talent..." Really I have no idea what he was thinking but in my mind that is what he wanted to say but so politely didn't.  But the truth is, YES! I am still singing, its not on stage for the world but I am the star, my audience cheers for 'one more song' every night, the gig doesn't pay well but it makes me so rich in love. I don't have to travel or rehearse, sometimes I even make up my own words & no one cares. I am singing for the most important people I have ever met & it is by far my favorite show, and there is no where else I would rather be. The two things I love most in life uniting to fulfill my heart in ways I never knew possible. Perhaps I was created for such a time as this, that whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul.