I'm sorry that I hurt you when I was hugging you, that is what feels good to me. I wanted you to feel good too.
I'm sorry that I pushed you on the playground, I was just playing, I wanted you to be my friend, but instead I made you cry. I love to wrestle, it makes me feel alive. Please don't think I am mean, I am not mean, I never meant to hurt you. I hate that I make my friends cry.
I wish I didn't eat so much, but I never feel satisfied.
I know that it seems weird when I ask if I can smell you but it helps me interpret this world around me. I am trying to understand why smells make me feel better. I don't care what you smell like or if you showered today I just want to be able to understand this world that I am in.
I know I look a little homeless sometimes, my clothes don't match and my hair is not brushed. My mommy knows that when we brush my hair it is painful to me. She says what matters is that my inside is pretty. I know you don't understand, but won't you love me & be kind to me even if I don't look fancy on the outside?
I would probably make a great ballet dancer because I can walk on my toes longer than most anyone I know.
Since the very first day I could pull up on my crib I have jumped myself to sleep, I know it sounds crazy but rough movements help me to relax. So if its 8pm & I'm jumping on the trampoline, don't judge my parents, they are helping me fall asleep.
I seek your approval, I want to know I am loved. Just like you want to know you are loved and accepted for who you are.
My body doesn't feel the same way yours does. I am constantly moving because I am trying to find my place. I don't interpret the world like you do, My nervous system is starved for attention.
Sounds are very difficult for me to process, they create chaos in my mind that I cannot organize. I didn't know I was talking loud, my entire world is loud. I was just repeating what I hear. When the noise gets too much for me, I hold me ears or cover my head with a blanket.
I'm sorry it annoys you when I interrupt you, I didn't even hear the conversation happening. I just wanted to talk to my mommy & I know that you may not understand me, but she does.
Pain? I rarely feel pain. I get shots without even a whimper. Some say I am tough as nails. Just because I don't feel much pain doesn't mean my feelings don't get hurt. I rarely cry when I am hurt, but I cry a lot when I am sad.
If you spend much time with me you will hear me say, "Mom, I don't know what to do?" This is my way of asking for help. When my senses are sending me wrong signals I often need help interpreting what they are telling me.
It is hard to be apart of a world, where you look normal and sound normal, but feel anything but normal. You probably think I am throwing a tantrum, that my parents are just weak & giving in, it may look like I rule the roost or that I am out of control, let me assure you, I am not, my parents are trying very hard to teach my how to understand what I am experiencing. Everyday has its new challenges and new wins. Like we figured out that if I chew gum between meals I don't snack all day. That if I eat dinner on my special plate I never even ask for seconds, because I am not really hungry after all.
I am Meredith, I am what they refer to as a seeker! I have a sensory processing disorder, in some areas I am hypersensitive, like when it comes to sound but in most other areas I am hypo sensitive.
I am full of life & love & energy! If you want to go to an amusement park, rock climbing or seek adventure, I am your girl!! And I hope you will be my friend and love me for who I am. I know that God made me perfect, seeker and all. My mommy tells me that even though it came as a shock to her that God is not at all surprised. And even though I will never grown out of it, I know that my Mom & Dad are dedicated to helping me figure out this world on day at a time. So you might want to say a prayer for them ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment