A few years ago I started a blog as a means of therapy for me. Since I was a kid I have found that I have a lot of nonsense running around in my head. Some where in my garage is a box full of journals, I do not dare open-- that could be frightening! Who wants to relive junior high & high school? NOT ME!
I have always loved writing but never thought I was really any good at it. In fact I'll never forget my first college english class, our first writing assignment and my first BIG FAT RED "F", marked across my paper large enough that the entire class could see it. I spent more time in that professors' office than I did my our dorm room. Any interest I had in writing went out the window...
Somewhere between college & real life I realized that I may never understand grammar & I may never be published, but I still love to write, it truly is therapy for me, sometimes I need to unload :) Which is where blogging comes it- I do not feel the pressure of my professor, in my mind it's kinda like journaling, sometimes I forget that other people are gonna read it (honestly I don't know why anyone would want to, but that is beside the point I guess). So I started a blog to keep track of my life & journal when I need to.
Let me tell you, I know nothing about being a 'real blogger' I barely know how to make my site cute & fun- I have no idea how to drive traffic to my blog or change the font or anything! A few months ago a friend showed me how to see how many followers I had & see the stats. OMG! I was shocked as to why people were interested in reading about my life. I started to feel pressure to write better entries & honestly I was so overwhelmed that I stopped blogging. Then one day I opened up my email to find the kindest email from a girl struggling with infertility. I often get little messages of thanks for sharing & being open, but this one struck a nerve. I could feel her heart ache, I knew her pain personally, I knew that tears had been flowing down her cheeks while she typed me that email. It was exactly the encouragement I needed to keep sharing my story.
We all have a story & a divine purpose, honestly I am still trying to figure mine out, I guess you could say I am still writing my story. I asked my little girl the other day "Kar what are you going to be when you grow up?"
She replied "Oh Jesus told me he wants me to be a teacher"
I don't know if Jesus really told her that or not, but who am I to question.
She then said "Mom what are you going to be when you grow up?"
My reply, "Sweetie, I'm still asking Jesus about that."
I recently found out that this crazy blog I have, of my life & all the therapy I need is now being viewed in Germany & Russia. Hello my friends!!!! I don't even know anyone in Germany or Russia, but I am so honored to have a following there :) I was humbled & encouraged all at the same time. As I was driving (God seems to always speak to me when I drive, I know. weird!) feeling overwhelmed & inspired God reminded me that the things I write about: infertility, loving my family, my love for Jesus are not topics constrained by a region. There is a female is Germany who would give anything to see that '+' on a pregnancy test, there is a mom in Russia who just needs a day to slow down & enjoy life again, there is a girl in the US looking for a brighter tomorrow... And more than anything for all of us there is this God shaped hole in our heart that can only be filled by Jesus.
I might be a horrible writer, I might have a million grammatical errors, but I don't care! God gave me a story to tell & words to breathe into the lives of women (& maybe a few men out there too). God gave you a story too, but you have to write it. Step out and find the courage to make mistakes along the way & go write your story your own way; and thank you for reading mine!
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