There Is No Plan B.

My man,

In our world of being Mom & Dad it is refreshing to take a moment to realize that you are my husband & I am your wife.

I know so many days pass & it sometimes can feel like we are each playing our rolls of Mom & Dad. Taking care of children, running car pool, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry,  paying the bills, the appointments, the meetings,  the clients, the late nights, the early mornings, the activities & family days, the sports the diapers... sometimes in the mess of life I forget to tell you that there is no one else I would want to share this staring roll with.

The other night I laid in bed an got real with myself about what life would be without you. {wow, that was a scary thought.}  I might not say it all the time (we both know how great I am with verbally expressing myself;) but I couldn't stand it.      

Truth is, I do notice everything you do.
















You know how to fix EVERYTHING
You always have an answer, even in my moments of raging hormones,
You know what to say to calm my heart, to settle my spirit, you know when I need to talk or when I just need time to be alone with my thoughts,
You know 'that look', that means I'm not ok, or that look that means, how did we get so lucky? And the difference between the two.
You know what I eat at every restaurant, yet still call me to see what I want, just incase I have changed my mind.
You tolerate me being a paparazzi to our family, cause you know my memory won't last but a couple days,
You know that I need you to call me if you are running late,
You willingly take turns with me putting the girls to bed cause you know that by 8pm all I want to is pass out on the couch,
You get up in the middle of the night for bad dreams & you willingly lay with the girls til they fall back to sleep cause you know how much it pains me to sleep with those flailing arms & legs,
You give up your comfy chair for me nearly every evening,
You tell me you love my cooking & even when I mess it up,
You come to bed even when you are not tired cause you know I can't fall asleep without you next to me,
You know that I am scared of things that go bump in the night.
You know that I hate scary movies & politics.
You have chosen our family over corporate success.
You embrace all my crazy passions & usually have more faith in me than I do in myself.
You know I am a horrible dancer so you take my place having dance parties with the girls,
You laugh at all my corny jokes
You let me know in so many ways that you desire me & only me.
You give me confidence & encouragement when I am down on myself
You say you cannot see my stretch marks even though I am very well aware they did not vanish over night.
You bring me my favorite gas station candy
You tell me I get more beautiful with age even though I know you see all those fine lines forming. There is not one thing that you don't know about me & somehow I know that you love me more today than you did 15 years ago. There is nothing more securing than that.
I am confident that no one in this world gets me the way that you do, that pushes me the way you do, that drives me crazy the way that you do, or that I could possibly love more than I do you.

Thank you for loving me through this messy, chaotic & yet still crazy rewarding life.

I am sorry that I often rush through life & overlook how incredible you really are. I am sorry for the days you have felt overlooked or second best, because in all honesty, being a mom is just easier for me than being a wife. Sorry for the times I've gotten mad that you haven't taken out the trash but never actually asked you to in the first place. Sorry that I hate LED lights no matter how much money they save. Sorry for not trusting your good intentioned heart, for not being as patient as I should, or caring as I should. Often I think I got the better end of this deal.

Truth is, life is messy, and none of this is perfect, I am not perfect, we are not perfect. Peel back the layers of any marriage & you will quickly see that none of us have this marriage thing together. But there is not a day that passes that I would want it any of other way. There is no plan B. This is it! When we said til death do us part, we meant it!

You have taught me a real genuine love. A love that doesn't run, doesn't stop, doesn't end, that I can't work for, pay for, give enough to, a love I don't deserve. You example for me daily, Christ's love. A marriage built on Christ is a marriage that will last. So thank you for being a real man, a Godly man, for leading our family courageously & loving me fiercely.

Where My Mama's At?

For the past few months my husband has been on me to start blogging again. Although I am not exactly sure why he felt the need to encourage me to do this, I knew he was right. I needed to get back to sharing my life in a real & raw way.  Since then I have sat down to blog probably 100 times, you would not believe how many drafts I have sitting, waiting for my to hit PUBLISH, but I just could not do it. Something was stopping me, self doubt, perfectionism, fear... Why am I sharing my life with cyber space? Who in the world would read this? I am not even a good writer, I hate grammar & quite honestly don't care if I missed a comma or quotation. This is a waste of time....All these thoughts would flood my head & spiral out of control, so I would log off & leave another blog marked as DRAFT.

Today it just hit me, almost as if God spoke to my heart & said "Leann write your struggles." See, I have this passion inside me to encourage other moms. I don't know why it is there or even where it came from, or what to do with it somedays. There is nothing I hate more than seeing other moms struggling-- feeling not good enough, that they can't live up to the images & expectations society has places on us, as moms. It goes something like this:

-Make sure your baby is sleeping through the night. 

-What do you mean you used formula? Don't you know that breast is best!? 

-Make your own babyfood

-Your toddler must know how to count to 10 & know all their colors before they are 2.  

-Heaven forbid you tell that toddler "NO" & they throw a tantrum in the middle of Target! 

-Jimmy better be on every select team & the leading scorer, don't forget to sign him up for music class too, cause that helps kids on their test scores.

-Feed your family only clean & organic (Can someone  please tell me what is the difference?)

-Your house better look like a picture of Better Homes & Gardens Magazine. 

-No mom's are allowed mom jeans, no matter how comfy they are! 4" heels, skinny jeans & a cute blouse. Or ungodly expensive active wear is appropriate even though you have no intensions of working out.

-Reads books every night at bedtime

-Your baby is 6 months old,  and you are still wearing maternity clothes?--- NO, NO, NO!

-Why aren't you working out? I mean you can find 20 minutes in your day?

-Family vacation booked & I don't mean to Branson!

-Those kiddos better have matching holiday outfits. 

-Oh & did you schedule the photographer for family pictures, gotta make sure you have the picture perfect photo on those christmas cards, 

-Your car needs to be spotless & able to tote around 10 children at any given moment, 

-Attend every birthday party & do not bring a gift card, must be a well thought out personalized gift.
-Oh & the parties-- what happened to balloons & sheet cakes?! 

-And please be aware if you show up to pick up your child with no make-up on 20 people will ask you how you are feeling?! .... 

UMMMM........ EXHAUSTED!

This is just a smudge of the expectations that society has placed on us as mom & somehow we have fallen into a trap of thinking this way is the better way! If I can't do it ALL then somehow I am a failure of a mother. Ladies, I am speaking to myself here too!

See I really do LOVE being a mom. I am that dork that is the first to sign up for Room Mom, because I truly do love it, and I love throwing elaborate birthday parties. But let me tell you there are a lot of things on this list that I do not love & I am not good at, but yet still kill myself on a daily basis trying to be the best at all of them. This year it will stop! I am vowing to myself & my family, to protect our time to focus on what God has called me to be.

Confession time: I hate Christmas cards, I LOVE christmas it is my favorite time of year but HATE the christmas card craze. The let's look all perfect for a photo that cost a small fortune. I first must wrestle my kids into their coordinating outfits, convince my husband that theses are necessary in which he dreads the entire day & it is just plain stressful. And I kinda secretly love trips to Branson, I have many fond memories of going there as a kid. My toddler is often throwing herself down in the middle of Target screaming  "no hit me mama, no hit me!" (disclaimer-- I do not hit my child, but I do believe that a solid spanking can do a kid a lot of good-- if that offends you, you are welcome to delete me on FB ;)

See we all have different things that make us special & unique. God knew that my girls would love a mom that enjoys throwing parties, decorating, trips to Branson, who loved camping over the Caribbean, who cannot bake a sheet cake if her life depended on it... God knew exactly what these little people needed & he chose ME for them. Because me, in all my faults, insecurities, and mess ups  I would be exactly what they would need. God does not call me to be all these other things. My girls do not care if I buy a cake or make the cake, they don't care if they stay in the fanciest beach front hotel or if we are in a tent in the woods, they do not care if the laundry is done or we have dishes in the sink-- they love me, and I can promise you that your kids don't care either!

So mama out there pulling out your hair, frustrated with yourself, crying at night. STOP! You are enough! I encourage you to do a little soul searching & find what things you love & what things you hate & make some changes in your life! I promise you that there are many doctors that were raised on formula & there are women out there that would do just about anything to have a baby, so stop wasting time on all the things that don't matter & go focus on what makes YOU a GREAT MOM!

It is hard to push back against society & honestly at times it feels weird to explain to people why you have not planned your child's summer full of activities, why you don't invite 50 people to their birthday parties, why you really don't have 20 minutes to work out & that you are completely satisfied wearing a one-piece. There will come a day when I have hours to work out, maybe even money to have a tummy tuck but for now I will sit back in my one-piece with store bought cake soaking up every moment of homemade play-dough & shooting hoops with our family. Oh & if you are reading this & do not get a christmas card from me next year, you will understand why! :)

Sunshine Mixed with a Little Hurricane

Most anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely love being a mom. I waited a very long for the day a little person that would call me MOM, (and say it 5 billion times a day)! Since Mother's Day is right around the corner I thought it was time that I shared what being a mom has been like with #2.

See my child #1 was text book. Easy baby, easy toddler, easy kid. I never understood why moms were always frazzled, why they couldn't shower or get a proper meal on the table. Life with #1 made me proud. She was & is nearly perfect. Don't get me wrong we have bad days & attitudes seep out from time to time but overall she is just a very easy lovable, loves rules & never wants to disappoint, especially her mom. She followed every routine, listened the first time, and never really pushed the limits even as a terrible two (or three year old), was potty trained at 18 months, a vocabulary larger than most adults I know, and could read, write & count to 100 before she started pre-school. Overall I could not be more proud, she makes me proud to be her mom, proud that I have done a 'good' job raising her, for her seven long years ;)

Then there came child #2, I didn't foresee why this one would be any different. We would follow all the same rules, books, sleep methods... and child #2 would be just as angelic as child #1.  LOL!!!!

You can bust up laughing now! :)

My #2 could not be more opposite than child #1, she came into this world backwards (breach) and that pretty much says it all! She turned my world upside down. She was a difficult baby, would not stay on any schedule. She is 'that' toddler screaming at the top of her lungs in Target & throwing herself on the ground when I tell her "NO," She does not care if you put her in time-out or discipline her, she may even hit you back. This child is the reason why I am usually sound asleep on the couch by 9pm, why I can't even remember having an HOUR to get ready for any event,  and shower? what shower- they are over-rated! For months I was scared to leave the house with her cause she was so difficult to manage. What had happened? Where did I go wrong? I had many days of tears feeling like I was failing her, and even more guilt that I was not enjoying being her Mom.

I am getting ready to share a very personal story so please be gentle with me. ;)

Recently she gave us the scariest moment I have ever had as a parent. She was screaming to go outside with Dad, so I let her go out & I watched her walk to where I thought he was. Long story short. Dad was not where I thought he was. So while I was inside working on a Mother's Day gift, Jason was building something for me, Meredith decided to go on a walk by herself...
Later Jason came in & I asked "hey how is Mere? is she driving you crazy?"
His reply, "Huh? Mere isn't with me!"
PANIC.
We frantically started running around the house searching for her. My baby was no where to be found! The feeling that set in my heart is a feeling that will never be erased.

My mind was racing-- How could this happen? This doesn't happen to good parents? We ARE good parents. This happens to people who don't love their kids... Jesus, where is my baby? I need her. Please bring her to me... I am an attentive parent!...

About that time a white van drove up to the top of our driveway. It was a friend we used to go to church with. Jason said "Hi" realizing who it was.
Our friend said, "hey are you by chance missing a kid? We found her about a mile away at my in laws house."

My little wild 'Merty' barefoot & in diapers went to meet the neighbors!
Oh Dear Jesus! (I don't even want to know what the neighbors think of us!)

It was this instance that I learned-- child #2 is, my sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.

"She is delightfully chaotic; a beautiful mess. Loving her is a splendid adventure." -- Maraboli

#2 keeps me humble, reminds me that being a parent has nothing to do with how "good" my child is. That my own self worth has nothing to do with my children.  That God loves us all, even the wildflowers among the roses. We all need a 'Merty', to keep us on our knees & close to God. #2 pushes me outside my comfort zone daily-- we meet friends EVERYWHERE we go, we have to think outside the box, she pushes me to be a better mom, a better person.

Some have made statements that I favor child #1, oh how wrong you are. See #1 is just like me. I understand her, I get her, I am her. BUT #2 dances even when people ARE watching, she will run the company or the world, #2 is who I always wanted to be but never had the courage. Child #2, I pray that I never mold you into a box you were not made to be in. I pray that the world never steals your innocent joy, that you always chase the sun, that you always be my wildflower!

If you are a mom out there, be gentle to each other. Yes your child(ren) might all be #1's and good for you. But there are many of us with child(ren) like #2, and no, we would not trade them for your #1's any day-- we love their delightful chaos, their beautiful mess & their splendid adventure. We do not apologize for their wild nature. We only feel sorry that you do not have a chance to experience this world as a wildflower.

What would life be like if we all picked our toe jam in Target?

Writing My Story

I know that I have been a major slacker when it comes to blogging. (booo me!) Somehow adding an extra little person in my life seems to distract me from my blog ;) Most of you have probably noticed I recently decided to take a risk, a big risk for me (my little non risk taker self). The last time I took a risk I married this boy I met, after dating him for 2 weeks, 13 yrs later it seems to have paid off. So i thought it was time for another risk.  lol!

I realize that if you follow me on FB or instagram you probably think I have this little fairytale life (social media is so 1 dimensional)

You don't always see the meltdowns in the middle of the store, the girls pulling each other's hair (oh wait that's just Meredith who does that ;), the times where it looks like a bomb hit my house, the nights I can't fall asleep thinking of how I could have been a better mom/wife that day, or the grief that sweet boy I married can give me (sometimes)...

Truth is:

This past year was one of the hardest years we have ever been through; had it not been for incredible friends & family, I'm not sure where we would be right now. We learned a hard lesson-- never put all your eggs in one basket & that if you are working for someone else your income is never secure. As of October we knew that Jason was going to need a new job and fast! Our bills were piling up quicker that we could pay them since he was not being compensated for his work with his precious employer.  We buckled down where we could, cut every 'extra' out of our lifestyle, but it was going to take time for him to build up his new business. I felt so helpless in all of this. Yes, I have a degree & could go back to work but it has never made sense for me to do that since my entire income would end up paying for childcare. And for me, the thought of someone else doing what  I am passionate about made me sick to even think about.

Fast Forward 6 months...
we are in a much better financial position. God has provided in ways that would blow your socks off, and now we are seeing His blessings in SO many ways. Jason's business is booming & he loves his job, like he never has before.

BUT in the back of my mind I still wanted to be able to help my family financially without having to sacrifice time with my girls. I had a friend give me this thing called "GREENS" it was 8+ servings of fruits, veggies & 38 herbs & nutrient rich foods, and it tasted like berries! It was so good. I wanted more. I kept seeing my friends post things about this health & wellness company but all I really wanted was more greens.

 I was getting ready to order and a friend suggested that I sell this stuff. If you know me, you know,  I cannot sell ANYTHING.  It is just not in my make up.  Honestly, sweet thought but I really didn't think I could sell, but she told me that it would sell itself. Wasn't that the reason I was ordering...?

After a lot of thought & chatting it over with my sweet boy, I decided to go for it, it was a way for me to contribute to my family & not sacrifice any time with the girls. Isn't that what I had wanted all along?! In my mind I set a goal to be able to pay for my oldest daughter's private school tuition. Her school was a budget item that I am not willing to cut, but its also a monthly sacrifice. So I decided if I could make enough money to cover her tuition I was ALL IN.

I've been doing this thing for not even 30 days and I am well on my way to achieving my goal! Not only am I reaching my goal financially but I have an incredible circle of strong encouraging woman that have my back.

I truly do love theses products, but even more so I love what this business can do for my family & families like mine. I'm all about getting healthy but I'm passionate families getting to spend time together.

I know that everyone's story is different but this is mine, and I also know there are a lot of families out there that could really use an extra $500+  a month, if that is you, don't wait, don't be shy... msg me, let me help you write your own story. For me it was my daughter's tuition, maybe yours it's a full tank of gas, groceries, a new car, college, student loans, a new house. Everyday I am watching lives change, its not a gimmick! I'm not writing this because I'm trying to make some sales quota ( I don't have quotas to make) I'm writing this because I know what it is like to be holding your last $20 and not know where the next dollar is coming from, to not know how your kids are getting to school cause your car in on 'E", or maybe you just want job security & your are tired of working for the boss!  Forget the risk, take a baby step & lets chat!

Pretty little bride… hold your head high

12 years ago I walked down the isle to my tall dark & handsome prince charming. That day was one of the most perfect days (I credit my incredible planning skills ;) We got married very quickly & with just a little over 2 months to plan a BIG wedding- it was a good thing I knew exactly what I wanted. I had dreamed of this day since I was in 6th grade, thanks to the game of MASH! When I think back to that day there is so much I would love to tell my 20 year old self. That's right, I was practically a baby.

Pretty little bride you have so much in store. If I told you now all that lies ahead you might just run and hide. LOL!

Pretty little bride don't run & hide, hold your head high. You will find through marriage where your real strength lies. You are stronger than you ever knew. Marriage is not at all what you think it is. You have a lot of learning to do young little bride. Marriage is not about making you happy, its about keeping a covenant.

You & that handsome hunk will end up in a huge blow out before your honeymoon is over. For the first time since you were 16 you will wish you could just go home to mom & dad, when the world all seemed simple. You will survive, you will learn to fight fair & that you are on the same side. The walls won't be white forever, he will once day let you decorate the entire house. That husband of yours is not your enemy. You will face your greatest fears & live to tell about it.

Pretty little bride, you are not ready to be a step parent. You are so excited to finally live your dream, but you never dreamed of being a step mom. You will stand for all things fair, don't bother, just stop. You will have many frustrating days, many arguments, many tears. You will wonder where you went wrong & wonder why you are always the enemy. No matter how hard you try it will not be enough. Savor the good days & just forget the rest.You won't do it right, or say it right. But pretty little bride hold your head high. You don't give up. Just do your best. Show love show grace. She may hate you forever, or maybe just til tomorrow.

Pretty little bride although it is the last thing on your mind now, you will wake up one day with a desire to have a baby. You will spend 6 years, making many appointments, visiting many doctors, being poked & prodded on. You will hear the words "unexplained infertility" you will spend hours on the bathroom floor crying month after month. You will finally call it quits. You will lose hope & stop trying.  Pretty little bride lift your head high. God holds your tomorrow.

Pretty little bride try to find patience. It is about finding grace to see your husband as Jesus does. You cannot take words back. And sweetie, throwing your wedding ring will only leave you on a treasure hunt through the carpet floor.

Pretty little bride you will take a trip that will imprint your heart for many years to come. In the land of "No worries". You will fall in love with the land, the people, the culture of Barbados. Explore, take risks, dance on the boat, soak up the sun, for in a few years tan lines will be the last thing you care about. The only tanning lotion you put on is what's left on your hands, after coating your babies. You will one day long for just a couple hours alone in the pool, so you go soak up those long sunny days in the beautiful pink sand.

Pretty little bride stop complaining about all the time that boy spends working on his cars. Take him some sweet tea & sit by his side.  For one day soon he will be sitting by yours. Let him buy you a new car every year, drive that convertible everyday with the top down. Soon that pretty blonde hair waving in the wind will return to mousy brown tied up in a bun driving around town in an SUV.

Pretty little bride hold your head high, you are having a GIRL!

You life is going to change, but not the way people will tell you. You won't mind the no sleep, the late nights & early mornings, you won't mind the fussy moments, or the messy house, the finger printed walls, or your spit covered clothes. Pretty little bride your heart will explode with love. You will finally understand your heavenly father's loves you. You will come alive, your heart will beat again, but this time your heart is beating on the outside of your body. The heavy dark cloud will give way to a beautiful rainbow.

Pretty little bride, slow down & enjoy that sweet boy. He may not always get it right but he is doing his best. Take time to watch him play with that baby girl, be grateful that he is dating his daughter (one day he will date your daughters),

thank him for opening doors, and going to work everyday, praise him everyday for allowing you to stay home with your baby girl, encourage him for being a man with conviction. It's not as easy as he makes it look. Sit & hold him when his heart is broken, pray for him everyday, let him laugh at your cheesy jokes & clumsiness. One day you will realize that all those hours working late nights and weekends are because he wants to provide you with the best.

Pretty little bride you will experience so much laughter, joy, love, pain, & tears in the end it will all be worth it. Don't give up. Don't walk out when the days are more than you can bear. A day is coming that will nearly destroy you. Pretty little bride hold your head high, praise will be your greatest weapon. Don't fret. You will overcome this. Fall back in love with the one who gave him to you.

After the heartbreak, will come little 7 lb bundle of pure joy, Meredith Joy. She will bring you more happiness than you have ever known. Pretty little bride, a gift for your family. You prayed specifically for her. You sat on that black leather couch with tear stained cheeks & God answered your heart's prayer. Everyone her life touches will smile brighter because of her. Your girls will love each other & need each other more than you ever knew possible. When they give each other kisses & laugh to their own jokes, your heart just might explode.

Pretty little bride your house can wait, the laundry can pile up, but your babies will not.  You cannot get these years back.

 So stop and play games, sing songs, dance in the kitchen, jump on the bed, let them decorate their own rooms.  Rock them to sleep, rub their backs, soak up their baby scents, paint their nails, go dig in the dirt. Pretty little bride hold your head high, you are a good mommy even on days you doubt yourself. Speak up for them, protect them, your are their voice.  Don't care what other mom think or their judging eyes. God chose you to be their mom. Pretty little bride you now have a super power-- you have mama instincts.

You will find your "Home Sweet Home", you will fall in love with 4 walls that you make home. After having a baby, you will rehab a house, move at christmas & have birthday parties, Pretty little bride hold your head high it will be time for a new chapter of life.  Close your eyes & jump. Trust all that life has to offer you.

Pretty little bride hold your head high, there are so many more things I would love  to tell you. Ways I would prepare you, things I wish you could see, but pretty little bride take the hand of that man and be his best friend. The person you are today you will not hardly recognize in 12 years, you have grown into adulthood. There will be moments when you look across that table & not recognize the person on the other side. There will be times when you pass by a mirror & don't recognize your own reflection. You will wonder what went wrong, how the heck it happened. And then, you will dream again, trust again, love again, be reminded of all God has in store for you.

Pretty little bride God knows what is best for you. He knows what you need and he gave you just that. It was not by chance that you fell in love on the 1st date. Oh pretty little bride just wait your dream will come true, you will live happily ever after.

Smile & Size 'Um Up

I sat in the Dr office waiting to get my baby her 6 month shots. No, I haven't showered, still sporting bed head hair (I thought that was the new look?!), I have on old sweats, and yes I am aware that my sweatshirt has paint splatters on it (but its my favorite one, you didn't expect me to throw it away cause of a few paint splatters, did you? Its called the distressed look.)  My baby has cradle cap but I promise she is clean & well cared for. My baby is fussy and long overdue for nap time. I sit waiting, responding to emails, bouncing my baby trying to keep her clam, checking my calendar because more than likely I have over booked myself, already feeling a little frazzled I start to feel eyes glaring at me, eyes burning in the back of my head. I glance around to find the stare of a woman dressed in her high heels, hair perfectly groomed, you know she gets those highlights done religiously, her crisp button up and her sumptuous coat, clearly she has it all together, she is career driven and proud of it. It was a look all women know, her eyes filled with pity & disgust.

How dare she leave the house like that? Did she even brush her hair? How come that baby is crying, I bet she is a pathetic mother. I mean clearly she is not showered. I would never go anywhere looking like that. I will never do that when I am a mother. Poor child, poor husband. 

I do not really know exactly what the woman was thinking but her glare at me said it all.

I gave a smile to say, listen you don't understand. It is early, I have had to wrestle children, pack lunches, dress kids, dress my husband, feed the cat, run errands, didn't sleep much-- stress, my coffee machine broke, I did brush my hair but you can't tell, I have a lot on my mind and I just need to get my baby's shots & I'll be out of your way. I know my baby is crying but really she is a sweet happy girl. My sweet smile was not going to break her glare of disapproval.

That look, was on purpose & we both knew it.

I was being judged strictly on what I looked like in that specific moment. If I had gotten all ready, make up hair, cute clothes, put a bow on my baby, would she have looked at me differently?

I could not imagine what this woman really thought of me. And then I found myself asking... did you wake up with make up on, do you ever let your husband see your natural face, don't you wish you could wear some sweats, those heels look so uncomfortable, and you hair, well its not the most flattering color for your skin tone,  yeah I use to have a "real job" too, I haven't always been a frumpy stay at home mom. I can rock a pair of heels with the best of them! --Defending, criticizing, judging. Suddenly I was looking at her with the same glare of disapproval.

What makes girls/ woman so good at the smile & size 'um up? We all know it happens ,we all know this underlined language of trying to out do the other- be the prettiest, the skinniest, the funniest, the most successful, the most pinned, the best kid photos, the best parties….

We all want people to see us graciously yet so rarely are we being gracious to others.


To the mom who gets up at 5:30 to get themselves ready for work & kids off to school. I will not judge you for choosing to be a working mom.

To the single mom who has 5 kids and you are not sure who the father is. I will not judge you.

To all the soccer moms, dance moms, red-shirting moms, I will not judge you for wanting your kid to be the best.

To the moms who never got out of their pajamas today, I will not judge you. Wear them proudly.

To the moms who wear designer heels or the moms who wear oatmeal on their clothes, I will not judge you, I've done both.

To the mom who spends $500 on their kids birthday party or the mom's who can only afford to celebrate with a homemade cake, I will not judge you.

To the moms who hit the gym everyday or the moms whose baby is 5 yrs & are still trying to lose the baby weight, I won't judge. Your dress size does not matter to me!

To the mom's who adopted, who have an IVF baby, who can't stop having babies, who never wanted babies, I won't judge.

To the mom who snap at their kid in the grocery line, I will be gracious & know you were patient with them many other times of the day.

When you are wearing a shirt out of the dirt laundry that you have to sniff before putting it on, its ok with me.

If you choose homeschool, private or public, I do not judge.

If you are filing papers or trying to find the lids to the sippy cup.

Divorced, remarried, loving married life or single forever. I will not judge.

If you breastfeed until your baby was 2 or bottle-fed from day 1. It's not gonna be on their resume so who really cares!

If you eat McDonalds every night for dinner or only eat clean & organic.



I promise to stop judging. Instead I will be your cheerleader. I will support you, I believe that as women we all lie awake at night trying to determine what is best for our children, our family.  You are just like me & I am just like you. We are in the trenches together so lets stop shooting each other with glare of disaproval & criticisms. I pray that God gives me a heart to see you for who you truly are, a daughter of the Most High King, uniquely & wonderfully made.  I promise to show you love, give you that boost of confidence, advocate for you, give you grace, and I pray you would do the same for me. And maybe just maybe our little girls will grow up never knowing that unspoken language but instead knowing an unspoken language of love & grace.

MY MYTH BUSTERS.

Have you ever met someone who looks like they have it all together, all the time.  You know, hair never out of place, enough make up to highlight all their perfect features, their children well behaved, they are never late, they have matching acessories for their trendy outfit that fits like a glove, they seem to wake up everyday in love with their husband, in every instagram pic their house looks sparkling, they manage to find time to work out, they eat clean, bills never seem to stress them out, they take multiple vacations which are of course planned to perfection, they drive the latest most sufficient SUV… I could go on but I'm about to go green with envy. Yep, I'm confessing. I am guilty of looking at other moms, even my other mommy friends and feeling so insufficient, like why can I not have it all, do it all? I know in reality their lives are not as perfect as they look on the outside yet still I struggle with feeling this way. It wasn't long ago I had a friend tell me, "I didn't think I could be friends with you cause you always looked so put together…" and it hit me-- I CAN come across as THIS girl, THIS mom. My need to try to keep up with everyone else has often times kept others away from me. I want to be the first to bust all these myths (at least about my our life anyway!)

Things are not always as they seem. I do love my life, and I am very blessed, but even still, far from perfection.

MYTH 1: I have perfect hair--
My hair is falling out like crazy (pregnancy shed) and I hope it stops at some point or I just might be bald! I like my hair natural but have so much gray that I must color. I like it blonde but cannot afford to keep up with it.

MYTH 2: I never leave the house without makeup--
Me & makeup have a love hate relationship. See I'm not one of these girls that looks naturally beautiful (despite what my mother says!) I wish I had the confidence to just not care but I do. I feel naked without my concealer & mascara. I spent way too much time in tanning beds & in the sun as a teen and now I am paying for it. SPF Ladies!

MYTH 3: Never be late--
I am often late, I hate being late so I might get up 3 hrs before I have to be somewhere so I am not late-- its a small price to pay!

MYTH 4: Fashion--
 I love jewelry & fashion, but I have not been shopping in years, honestly. Since having children there are so many other things that are more important to me than having the trendiest jeans. Before children you could find fashion magazines by my bedside at all times, now what fashion I have comes from what I glance at while standing in the grocery lines.

MYTH 5: My marriage is perfect--
I do love my husband dearly, but trust me we have our fair share of disagreements, we have had our times that I didn't know if we would make it, we have had to learn how to fight fair and we still don't get it right sometime. We also have a really good counselor that  literally saved our marriage at one point. I love him, but I don't wake up everyday in love with him. After nearly 12 years I am still learning what it means to daily serve & love unselfishly.

MYTH 6: My house is always clean--
My house is rarely sparkling. I scrub my own toilets. My house is not huge, It is a 3 bedroom ranch & often the thought of more children is scary, cause we would have to build on to our house that we just rehabbed, none the less I absolutely love my house. It is everything I have ever wanted and perfect for us.

MYTH 7: I workout & eat right--
I have not worked out in ages! I currently am struggling between wanting to be in shape but also loving my mom body. I don't want to let myself go but I also refuse to give up time with my family so that I can be a size 6 again. My stretch marks are not going anywhere, and I may never wear a bikini again but there is part of me that is totally ok with that. I want to be an example of health for my girls. I don't want them to think that beauty correlates with your jean size, but I can't tell them that I have to show them that & teach them to make healthy choices.

MYTH 8: Money's no problem--
BILLS, can I just be honest and say that I hate money. For awhile now money has been a struggle. Jason's job has changed and so has the market, effecting our income. Some would say, well stupid you are a SAHM, go back to work… but it isn't that easy. I refuse to work to in return pay for childcare. We may not get to eat out, take vacations, my kids have to be involved less activities, my kids wear all hand-me-downs, I shop at Aldi's (& still have a budget), at times not know how we are going to pay certain bills, eating out means ordering off the $1 menu, Jason & I both drive old vehicles (mine just lost its gas cap lid-- really swanky!) but you know what, my kids are happy, we are happy. We want for very little. We know the difference between wants & needs. My favorite part is that often times it is me feeling guilty we can't give them the best or the newest things, but they never even miss it. What my kids want is time with me & their Dad, we make many memories, we know how to make the best of things we have. Money doesn't buy happiness. truth.

I'm feeling a little vulnerable now, but that it ok. I refuse to make someone think things about me that are not true. I am real. I realize that this is not normal that society tells us not to show our weakness, to fake it til you make it… but its not real life & certainly not how to build real friendships. I want the people in my life to know & love me for me, not who they 'think' I am. This is the season of life God has me in now and I want to embrace all it has to offer.

Matthew 5…"keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. "

After I wrote this blog I found this on Newsweeks Cover: The Myth of the Perfect Mother…

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/newsweek-cover-the-myth-of-the-perfect-mother-54038797.html