Smile & Size 'Um Up

I sat in the Dr office waiting to get my baby her 6 month shots. No, I haven't showered, still sporting bed head hair (I thought that was the new look?!), I have on old sweats, and yes I am aware that my sweatshirt has paint splatters on it (but its my favorite one, you didn't expect me to throw it away cause of a few paint splatters, did you? Its called the distressed look.)  My baby has cradle cap but I promise she is clean & well cared for. My baby is fussy and long overdue for nap time. I sit waiting, responding to emails, bouncing my baby trying to keep her clam, checking my calendar because more than likely I have over booked myself, already feeling a little frazzled I start to feel eyes glaring at me, eyes burning in the back of my head. I glance around to find the stare of a woman dressed in her high heels, hair perfectly groomed, you know she gets those highlights done religiously, her crisp button up and her sumptuous coat, clearly she has it all together, she is career driven and proud of it. It was a look all women know, her eyes filled with pity & disgust.

How dare she leave the house like that? Did she even brush her hair? How come that baby is crying, I bet she is a pathetic mother. I mean clearly she is not showered. I would never go anywhere looking like that. I will never do that when I am a mother. Poor child, poor husband. 

I do not really know exactly what the woman was thinking but her glare at me said it all.

I gave a smile to say, listen you don't understand. It is early, I have had to wrestle children, pack lunches, dress kids, dress my husband, feed the cat, run errands, didn't sleep much-- stress, my coffee machine broke, I did brush my hair but you can't tell, I have a lot on my mind and I just need to get my baby's shots & I'll be out of your way. I know my baby is crying but really she is a sweet happy girl. My sweet smile was not going to break her glare of disapproval.

That look, was on purpose & we both knew it.

I was being judged strictly on what I looked like in that specific moment. If I had gotten all ready, make up hair, cute clothes, put a bow on my baby, would she have looked at me differently?

I could not imagine what this woman really thought of me. And then I found myself asking... did you wake up with make up on, do you ever let your husband see your natural face, don't you wish you could wear some sweats, those heels look so uncomfortable, and you hair, well its not the most flattering color for your skin tone,  yeah I use to have a "real job" too, I haven't always been a frumpy stay at home mom. I can rock a pair of heels with the best of them! --Defending, criticizing, judging. Suddenly I was looking at her with the same glare of disapproval.

What makes girls/ woman so good at the smile & size 'um up? We all know it happens ,we all know this underlined language of trying to out do the other- be the prettiest, the skinniest, the funniest, the most successful, the most pinned, the best kid photos, the best parties….

We all want people to see us graciously yet so rarely are we being gracious to others.


To the mom who gets up at 5:30 to get themselves ready for work & kids off to school. I will not judge you for choosing to be a working mom.

To the single mom who has 5 kids and you are not sure who the father is. I will not judge you.

To all the soccer moms, dance moms, red-shirting moms, I will not judge you for wanting your kid to be the best.

To the moms who never got out of their pajamas today, I will not judge you. Wear them proudly.

To the moms who wear designer heels or the moms who wear oatmeal on their clothes, I will not judge you, I've done both.

To the mom who spends $500 on their kids birthday party or the mom's who can only afford to celebrate with a homemade cake, I will not judge you.

To the moms who hit the gym everyday or the moms whose baby is 5 yrs & are still trying to lose the baby weight, I won't judge. Your dress size does not matter to me!

To the mom's who adopted, who have an IVF baby, who can't stop having babies, who never wanted babies, I won't judge.

To the mom who snap at their kid in the grocery line, I will be gracious & know you were patient with them many other times of the day.

When you are wearing a shirt out of the dirt laundry that you have to sniff before putting it on, its ok with me.

If you choose homeschool, private or public, I do not judge.

If you are filing papers or trying to find the lids to the sippy cup.

Divorced, remarried, loving married life or single forever. I will not judge.

If you breastfeed until your baby was 2 or bottle-fed from day 1. It's not gonna be on their resume so who really cares!

If you eat McDonalds every night for dinner or only eat clean & organic.



I promise to stop judging. Instead I will be your cheerleader. I will support you, I believe that as women we all lie awake at night trying to determine what is best for our children, our family.  You are just like me & I am just like you. We are in the trenches together so lets stop shooting each other with glare of disaproval & criticisms. I pray that God gives me a heart to see you for who you truly are, a daughter of the Most High King, uniquely & wonderfully made.  I promise to show you love, give you that boost of confidence, advocate for you, give you grace, and I pray you would do the same for me. And maybe just maybe our little girls will grow up never knowing that unspoken language but instead knowing an unspoken language of love & grace.