Pretty little bride… hold your head high

12 years ago I walked down the isle to my tall dark & handsome prince charming. That day was one of the most perfect days (I credit my incredible planning skills ;) We got married very quickly & with just a little over 2 months to plan a BIG wedding- it was a good thing I knew exactly what I wanted. I had dreamed of this day since I was in 6th grade, thanks to the game of MASH! When I think back to that day there is so much I would love to tell my 20 year old self. That's right, I was practically a baby.

Pretty little bride you have so much in store. If I told you now all that lies ahead you might just run and hide. LOL!

Pretty little bride don't run & hide, hold your head high. You will find through marriage where your real strength lies. You are stronger than you ever knew. Marriage is not at all what you think it is. You have a lot of learning to do young little bride. Marriage is not about making you happy, its about keeping a covenant.

You & that handsome hunk will end up in a huge blow out before your honeymoon is over. For the first time since you were 16 you will wish you could just go home to mom & dad, when the world all seemed simple. You will survive, you will learn to fight fair & that you are on the same side. The walls won't be white forever, he will once day let you decorate the entire house. That husband of yours is not your enemy. You will face your greatest fears & live to tell about it.

Pretty little bride, you are not ready to be a step parent. You are so excited to finally live your dream, but you never dreamed of being a step mom. You will stand for all things fair, don't bother, just stop. You will have many frustrating days, many arguments, many tears. You will wonder where you went wrong & wonder why you are always the enemy. No matter how hard you try it will not be enough. Savor the good days & just forget the rest.You won't do it right, or say it right. But pretty little bride hold your head high. You don't give up. Just do your best. Show love show grace. She may hate you forever, or maybe just til tomorrow.

Pretty little bride although it is the last thing on your mind now, you will wake up one day with a desire to have a baby. You will spend 6 years, making many appointments, visiting many doctors, being poked & prodded on. You will hear the words "unexplained infertility" you will spend hours on the bathroom floor crying month after month. You will finally call it quits. You will lose hope & stop trying.  Pretty little bride lift your head high. God holds your tomorrow.

Pretty little bride try to find patience. It is about finding grace to see your husband as Jesus does. You cannot take words back. And sweetie, throwing your wedding ring will only leave you on a treasure hunt through the carpet floor.

Pretty little bride you will take a trip that will imprint your heart for many years to come. In the land of "No worries". You will fall in love with the land, the people, the culture of Barbados. Explore, take risks, dance on the boat, soak up the sun, for in a few years tan lines will be the last thing you care about. The only tanning lotion you put on is what's left on your hands, after coating your babies. You will one day long for just a couple hours alone in the pool, so you go soak up those long sunny days in the beautiful pink sand.

Pretty little bride stop complaining about all the time that boy spends working on his cars. Take him some sweet tea & sit by his side.  For one day soon he will be sitting by yours. Let him buy you a new car every year, drive that convertible everyday with the top down. Soon that pretty blonde hair waving in the wind will return to mousy brown tied up in a bun driving around town in an SUV.

Pretty little bride hold your head high, you are having a GIRL!

You life is going to change, but not the way people will tell you. You won't mind the no sleep, the late nights & early mornings, you won't mind the fussy moments, or the messy house, the finger printed walls, or your spit covered clothes. Pretty little bride your heart will explode with love. You will finally understand your heavenly father's loves you. You will come alive, your heart will beat again, but this time your heart is beating on the outside of your body. The heavy dark cloud will give way to a beautiful rainbow.

Pretty little bride, slow down & enjoy that sweet boy. He may not always get it right but he is doing his best. Take time to watch him play with that baby girl, be grateful that he is dating his daughter (one day he will date your daughters),

thank him for opening doors, and going to work everyday, praise him everyday for allowing you to stay home with your baby girl, encourage him for being a man with conviction. It's not as easy as he makes it look. Sit & hold him when his heart is broken, pray for him everyday, let him laugh at your cheesy jokes & clumsiness. One day you will realize that all those hours working late nights and weekends are because he wants to provide you with the best.

Pretty little bride you will experience so much laughter, joy, love, pain, & tears in the end it will all be worth it. Don't give up. Don't walk out when the days are more than you can bear. A day is coming that will nearly destroy you. Pretty little bride hold your head high, praise will be your greatest weapon. Don't fret. You will overcome this. Fall back in love with the one who gave him to you.

After the heartbreak, will come little 7 lb bundle of pure joy, Meredith Joy. She will bring you more happiness than you have ever known. Pretty little bride, a gift for your family. You prayed specifically for her. You sat on that black leather couch with tear stained cheeks & God answered your heart's prayer. Everyone her life touches will smile brighter because of her. Your girls will love each other & need each other more than you ever knew possible. When they give each other kisses & laugh to their own jokes, your heart just might explode.

Pretty little bride your house can wait, the laundry can pile up, but your babies will not.  You cannot get these years back.

 So stop and play games, sing songs, dance in the kitchen, jump on the bed, let them decorate their own rooms.  Rock them to sleep, rub their backs, soak up their baby scents, paint their nails, go dig in the dirt. Pretty little bride hold your head high, you are a good mommy even on days you doubt yourself. Speak up for them, protect them, your are their voice.  Don't care what other mom think or their judging eyes. God chose you to be their mom. Pretty little bride you now have a super power-- you have mama instincts.

You will find your "Home Sweet Home", you will fall in love with 4 walls that you make home. After having a baby, you will rehab a house, move at christmas & have birthday parties, Pretty little bride hold your head high it will be time for a new chapter of life.  Close your eyes & jump. Trust all that life has to offer you.

Pretty little bride hold your head high, there are so many more things I would love  to tell you. Ways I would prepare you, things I wish you could see, but pretty little bride take the hand of that man and be his best friend. The person you are today you will not hardly recognize in 12 years, you have grown into adulthood. There will be moments when you look across that table & not recognize the person on the other side. There will be times when you pass by a mirror & don't recognize your own reflection. You will wonder what went wrong, how the heck it happened. And then, you will dream again, trust again, love again, be reminded of all God has in store for you.

Pretty little bride God knows what is best for you. He knows what you need and he gave you just that. It was not by chance that you fell in love on the 1st date. Oh pretty little bride just wait your dream will come true, you will live happily ever after.

Smile & Size 'Um Up

I sat in the Dr office waiting to get my baby her 6 month shots. No, I haven't showered, still sporting bed head hair (I thought that was the new look?!), I have on old sweats, and yes I am aware that my sweatshirt has paint splatters on it (but its my favorite one, you didn't expect me to throw it away cause of a few paint splatters, did you? Its called the distressed look.)  My baby has cradle cap but I promise she is clean & well cared for. My baby is fussy and long overdue for nap time. I sit waiting, responding to emails, bouncing my baby trying to keep her clam, checking my calendar because more than likely I have over booked myself, already feeling a little frazzled I start to feel eyes glaring at me, eyes burning in the back of my head. I glance around to find the stare of a woman dressed in her high heels, hair perfectly groomed, you know she gets those highlights done religiously, her crisp button up and her sumptuous coat, clearly she has it all together, she is career driven and proud of it. It was a look all women know, her eyes filled with pity & disgust.

How dare she leave the house like that? Did she even brush her hair? How come that baby is crying, I bet she is a pathetic mother. I mean clearly she is not showered. I would never go anywhere looking like that. I will never do that when I am a mother. Poor child, poor husband. 

I do not really know exactly what the woman was thinking but her glare at me said it all.

I gave a smile to say, listen you don't understand. It is early, I have had to wrestle children, pack lunches, dress kids, dress my husband, feed the cat, run errands, didn't sleep much-- stress, my coffee machine broke, I did brush my hair but you can't tell, I have a lot on my mind and I just need to get my baby's shots & I'll be out of your way. I know my baby is crying but really she is a sweet happy girl. My sweet smile was not going to break her glare of disapproval.

That look, was on purpose & we both knew it.

I was being judged strictly on what I looked like in that specific moment. If I had gotten all ready, make up hair, cute clothes, put a bow on my baby, would she have looked at me differently?

I could not imagine what this woman really thought of me. And then I found myself asking... did you wake up with make up on, do you ever let your husband see your natural face, don't you wish you could wear some sweats, those heels look so uncomfortable, and you hair, well its not the most flattering color for your skin tone,  yeah I use to have a "real job" too, I haven't always been a frumpy stay at home mom. I can rock a pair of heels with the best of them! --Defending, criticizing, judging. Suddenly I was looking at her with the same glare of disapproval.

What makes girls/ woman so good at the smile & size 'um up? We all know it happens ,we all know this underlined language of trying to out do the other- be the prettiest, the skinniest, the funniest, the most successful, the most pinned, the best kid photos, the best parties….

We all want people to see us graciously yet so rarely are we being gracious to others.


To the mom who gets up at 5:30 to get themselves ready for work & kids off to school. I will not judge you for choosing to be a working mom.

To the single mom who has 5 kids and you are not sure who the father is. I will not judge you.

To all the soccer moms, dance moms, red-shirting moms, I will not judge you for wanting your kid to be the best.

To the moms who never got out of their pajamas today, I will not judge you. Wear them proudly.

To the moms who wear designer heels or the moms who wear oatmeal on their clothes, I will not judge you, I've done both.

To the mom who spends $500 on their kids birthday party or the mom's who can only afford to celebrate with a homemade cake, I will not judge you.

To the moms who hit the gym everyday or the moms whose baby is 5 yrs & are still trying to lose the baby weight, I won't judge. Your dress size does not matter to me!

To the mom's who adopted, who have an IVF baby, who can't stop having babies, who never wanted babies, I won't judge.

To the mom who snap at their kid in the grocery line, I will be gracious & know you were patient with them many other times of the day.

When you are wearing a shirt out of the dirt laundry that you have to sniff before putting it on, its ok with me.

If you choose homeschool, private or public, I do not judge.

If you are filing papers or trying to find the lids to the sippy cup.

Divorced, remarried, loving married life or single forever. I will not judge.

If you breastfeed until your baby was 2 or bottle-fed from day 1. It's not gonna be on their resume so who really cares!

If you eat McDonalds every night for dinner or only eat clean & organic.



I promise to stop judging. Instead I will be your cheerleader. I will support you, I believe that as women we all lie awake at night trying to determine what is best for our children, our family.  You are just like me & I am just like you. We are in the trenches together so lets stop shooting each other with glare of disaproval & criticisms. I pray that God gives me a heart to see you for who you truly are, a daughter of the Most High King, uniquely & wonderfully made.  I promise to show you love, give you that boost of confidence, advocate for you, give you grace, and I pray you would do the same for me. And maybe just maybe our little girls will grow up never knowing that unspoken language but instead knowing an unspoken language of love & grace.