Good bye 3956, Meet 3951

Today I began packing up all of my house decor, the pictures, the knick knacks, the photos.. the little things that make a house a home. I looked around my kitchen with bare walls and my eyes began to swell with tears. We have spent 12 years in this home. I still remember coming to the property where the house would be built before Jason & I were even dating, watching him pull a tree stump out of the yard, thinking 'I really like this guy', never dreaming that in less than a year I would have dated, married & moved into this house with him.

 It seems like just yesterday, we got home late from our honeymoon, we slept on our box springs with only sheets on the bed, looking up at the stark white walls I wondered if this place would ever feel like home to me.

Or, our first huge argument where I decided to take my wedding ring off & throw it at him (Bad idea!) it hit my bed post & diamonds started flying. In a matter of seconds we were on our hands & knees searching the carpet for the pieces to my ring.

Or, the day we were setting the pool, our enormous pool was hanging in mid-air over our house and I came running out, through the mud, in sweats & rain boots, with tears flooding my face trying to get out the words "I'M PREGNANT!!!"

Bringing both my babies home to this house, having more celebrations than I can count, many long talks on the couch, sleepovers with best friends, youth group girls weekends, training for my marathon, countless prayers, flowers planted, first snowman's built... tears & so many laughs--SO many memories! It's the only home Jason & I have ever known. The place that 12 years ago did not feel like 'mine' is now the place I leave feeling bittersweet. I love this home. I have grown from a young girl into a wife and mother in this home.

3956 You have been so good to us.

Bittersweet.

On one hand it saddens me to say good bye to this place I have called home for the past 12 years, and on the other hand I am ecstatic to build a new home. We have had SO many incredible memories in our home, however, we have also had a lot of bad memories, our bathroom reminds me of all the attempted fails of pregnancy, the family arguments that we've had in our basement, times of struggle wondering if we would make it, an empty bedroom where my stepdaughter once lived… not every memory is a good memory.

I look forward to building a new home to raise my family in. A home where their memories will reside. We know this will be our forever home. Both of the girls are so young that they will have very few memories of the house we live in now. I look forward to building a home full of new memories, learning to ride bikes, painting their room awful colors when they decided they don't like Mom's decor anymore, playing on the backyard, walks to the park, sleep overs, cookie bakes, dates, sister arguments, sister cries, sister laughs, music blaring, getting ready for dances… I look forward to all the memories to be made.

I am ready for a new beginning, new memories. a fresh start.  A place to raise my babies & fall more in love with their father. A home full of love & laughter!

 3951 I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us!

Thankful they call me mama.

Every year around this time I start doing a list of all the things I've thankful for. It started pretty simple and I didn't think much of it, but year after year I realized that I really enjoyed having to make myself stop & be grateful for something, anything. Something I think we all need to do more often! On day #1 I mentioned how I was thankful for my 2 girls & being their mom, but that just doesn't cut it.

I believe that every child is a gift from God. Both of my girls came at very critical times & with an incredible story.

Karly was my miracle. Most of you know my struggle to get pregnant & our journey to have a baby. When she came there was no doubt that God was teaching me a lesson... He is in control, not me, or doctors-- He alone! With that He gave me a child with an enormous LOVE of life. My Karly Love is never bored, loves everyone, will never leave without a hug, her love of life is contagious. She can make anything fun & reminds me daily to 'lighten up' and to just love life. My relationship with her is very unique; we have very different personalities, which any mom knows that can have its challenges, but so often I feel like she is teaching me way more than I'll ever teach her.
She is my miracle. I know that God has great things in-store for this child and I cannot wait to see what they are!

Then there is my baby Meredith. Precious baby, given to me at a very burdensome time in my life. I was going through one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. I felt like my world was falling apart, everything I once knew was shaking around me. Maybe one day I will share more about that time, as for now I'm still not ready. I had lost all faith in people, friends, family, even God,  and in the midst of total chaos in my life God gave me JOY. Meredith Joy, to remind me that He is always there and he knows just what we need when we need it. At the time a baby did not seem like the best answer, and honestly it took me 7 months to find joy in being pregnant, not that I didn't want to have another baby but the timing was horrible (according to my plans). And Joy is exactly what she is-- she is a funny little  baby, she constantly makes me laugh. At a time in my life when I was plastering on a fake smile, God gave me pure Joy. 

I didn't know when naming my girls that their names would be so descriptive of who they are. Each of my babies have taught me so much about myself and who God has created me to be. I am so grateful to be their mama. I really am the lucky one.