It's a blog world...

A few years ago I started a blog as a means of therapy for me. Since I was a kid I have found that I have a lot of nonsense running around in my head. Some where in my garage is a box full of journals, I do not dare open-- that could be frightening! Who wants to relive junior high & high school? NOT ME!

 I have always loved writing but never thought I was really any good at it. In fact I'll never forget my first college english class, our first writing assignment and my first BIG FAT RED "F", marked across my paper large enough that the entire class could see it. I spent more time in that professors' office than I did my our dorm room. Any interest I had in writing went out the window...

Somewhere between college & real life I realized that I may never understand grammar & I may never be published, but I still love to write, it truly is therapy for me, sometimes I need to unload :) Which is where blogging comes it- I do not feel the pressure of my professor, in my mind it's kinda like journaling, sometimes I forget that other people are gonna read it (honestly I don't know why anyone would want to, but that is beside the point I guess). So I started a blog to keep track of my life & journal when I need to.

Let me tell you, I know nothing about being a 'real blogger' I barely know how to make my site cute & fun- I have no idea how to drive traffic to my blog or change the font or anything! A few months ago a friend showed me how to see how many followers I had & see the stats. OMG! I was shocked as to why people were interested in reading about my life. I started to feel pressure to write better entries & honestly I was so overwhelmed that I stopped blogging. Then one day I opened up my email to find the kindest email from a girl struggling with infertility. I often get little messages of thanks for sharing & being open, but this one struck a nerve. I could feel her heart ache, I knew her pain personally, I knew that tears had been flowing down her cheeks while she typed me that email. It was exactly the encouragement I needed to keep sharing my story.

We all have a story & a divine purpose, honestly I am still trying to figure mine out, I guess you could say I am still writing my story. I asked my little girl the other day "Kar what are you going to be when you grow up?"
She replied "Oh Jesus told me he wants me to be a teacher"
I don't know if Jesus really told her that or not, but who am I to question.
She then said "Mom what are you going to be when you grow up?"
My reply, "Sweetie, I'm still asking Jesus about that."

I recently found out that this crazy blog I have, of my life & all the therapy I need is now being viewed in Germany & Russia. Hello my friends!!!! I don't even know anyone in Germany or Russia, but I am so honored to have a following there :) I was humbled & encouraged all at the same time. As I was driving (God seems to always speak to me when I drive, I know. weird!) feeling overwhelmed & inspired God reminded me that the things I write about: infertility, loving my family, my love for Jesus are not topics constrained by a region. There is a female is Germany who would give anything to see that '+' on a pregnancy test, there is a mom in Russia who just needs a day to slow down & enjoy life again, there is a girl in the US looking for a brighter tomorrow... And more than anything for all of us there is this God shaped hole in our heart that can only be filled by Jesus.

I might be a horrible writer, I might have a million grammatical errors, but I don't care! God gave me a story to tell & words to breathe into the lives of women (& maybe a few men out there too). God gave you a story too, but you have to write it. Step out and find the courage to make mistakes along the way & go write your story your own way; and thank you for reading mine!

Seasons of Winter

Fall is my most favorite time of year. I love everything about it. The other morning I was driving and was captured by all the gorgeous trees & leaves. In the middle of all these gorgeous colored trees I noticed one tree that was already looking dead, barren, looked like winter had already set in for that tree. My first thought was 'oh how sad, winter will be here before we know it.'

 In just moments God opened my eyes. This one tree that looked dead, was actually not dead at all. It was just going through a 'season', it had to go through this process to strengthen itself, but as the season passed it would grow stronger & would soon produce more fruit that the year before, it would be stronger, taller, more beautiful than before.

This struck a chord within me. See, the day I drove past this tree, I too was feeling like I  too had entered my "winter" season. Life felt very cold, lonely & even dark. God showed me that I was that tree, I am going through winter, and sometimes like that tree it feels like all the trees around me are beautiful & producing fruits. God has a beautiful, perfect process and if I can survive winter, I will produce a greater harvest. In order to produce this harvest I have to prepare myself just as the tree.

In my little epiphany God gave me, I realized I knew nothing about trees changing & I didn't fully understand what God was saying to me until I got home & hit up Google! Wow was God speaking to me!

 I, like the tree must protect myself from the freeze & harsh winter influences. The leaves of the tree must toughen up or the tree must dispose of the leaves to stay healthy. If the leaves of the tree are not tough & the tree does not drop the leaves, the leaves will kill the tree.When you are in a winter season of life, there are times that you just have to toughen up & hang on to your roots! Then there can people or influences that if you don't dispose of they will kill you. We all have those individuals in our lives who drain us, who you leave feeling worse than you came. I learned many years ago that I have to be careful who I surround myself with because it is very easy for people to drain me. That is not saying that I don't love people, I do, I just have to keep balance. Sometimes you have to make life changes & sometimes that means cutting off certain friendships. If you protect yourself & place strong individuals around you, you will flourish!

 I am comforted that this is just a season, and that this winter means an even greater harvest is coming!

On a Farm, In a Barn, with My Country Boy...

Yesterday my family got to spend an amazing day with an incredible woman. Jason's grandma turned 90! We loaded up the car and headed out to Salem. (Don't worry not Salem, where the witch trials were! ;) I asked. I know I'm retarded! lol. ) The night before I spent at the hospital visiting my Uncle who has been given just days to live. So often we live our days taking each breath for granted, but all that changes when you see someone gasping for their next breath.

I think any person who lives to 90 is inspiring, but Grandma Pearl is a very special woman. We had a great time hanging out on her farm, chasing the cows, feeding the horse, looking for kittens, climbing the hay bails, searching for turtles... good times on the farm. If you know my husband, you know he asks tons of questions, so on our drive to the farm he was asking Grandma what her most favorite thing to do was..."Oh I just love to mow the grass!" Yep, this 90 year old woman still mows all her own grass. Talk about inspiring! I think it must be keeping her young. She is still smart as a whip, her mind is definitely still young. There truly is nothing old about her.

 Karly & (Great) Grandma Pearl boned when Kar was just a baby. She is one of Karly's favorite people. I think Karly would pack her bags & move out to the farm any day of the week.

I used to always believe that I was 100% city girl, that I belonged in a big city. Since I have grown up (a little) it's funny how things change. My dream for many years now has been to rehab an old barn & turn it into our home. I dream of living on lots of land with cows, horses & chickens. There is something about it that just brings comfort to my soul. So often life gets too busy. In fact I told Jason this morning, I have got to clean up our schedule, being busy keeps me from enjoying life. There is something about being on a farm or in the county that brings reality home, all the busyness that city life can bring is not important- it reminds me to slow down & take in the beauty around me. I think I was a misplaced soul, I should have been born on a farm. Life isn't over & my dreams might just come true someday. I guess, some dream of retiring to the beach or somewhere warm, I want to retire on a farm in a barn with my country boy!