I'd like to introduce, myself...

Do you ever leave a conversation thinking:
"ugh, why did I say that?"
10 minutes later... "Oh I have a much better answer now"
"that totally did not come out right"
"sorry I just have nothing to say at that"
"could we resume this conversation in about 10 minutes, I need time to think..."

I'm going to be blatently honest about myself in this blog. I'm a horrible conversationalist. Infact I LOVE talkative people cause it makes my job so much easier. My closest friends fall into 2 categories: 1) extreme extroverts. they literally could talk to a tree & be completely satisfied or 2) Introverted & appreciates silence, they know we don't have to talk to have a good time, we embrace the silence until someone has something to say.

 If you have ever went to dinner, coffee, playdate, etc. with me, I have had to deliberately think about what I will talk to you about. I have a mental list in my head of things to ask you or talk about. However once that list is complete, I am totally out of conversations. I am a person that will go out of their way to talk or not talk to someone, cause if I have not had time to think about what to say to you- I will have no words for you. This is something I have struggled with all my life. I'm been labeled a lot of things: shy, introverted, quiet, blah, insecure, rude, stuck up, snob, social awkward, (ok those are all the ones I care to admit); however in reality I am none of those things.

 I spent a lot of my college years trying to figure myself out & hating who I was, well at least this aspect of myself. I would admire & envy those friends of mine who could just walk up to anyone & strike a conversation. It wasn't until I was far into my adult life that I began embracing the person in me God created. I picked up a book & begin reading about how if you unlike yourself & think you are not good enough, you are insulting God. You are saying He made a mistake when He created you... ouch. That hit home! All of this was originally why I ended up studying psychology in undergrad (they say every student goes into psych in hopes to figure themselves out- I think that's true) I took a more specific approach & began studying & anylyzing Personality Test. It wasn't until recently that I was reintroduced to an old friend Myers Briggs. This was the test of all test. Nailed me to a T, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Every line was as if I was being stalked & then written about.

ME, what am I? INFJ (introverted/intuitive/feeling/judging). Recently revisiting all my tests & chatting with a friend who shares my INFJ type. Only 1% of the population has this personality, the rarest of all. As my husbands so kindly said, "that totally explains why no one knows how to handle you" LOL.  I don't connect easily with people & am often misunderstood. If you are someone that I have told you, "we just click, or I feel like we connect" woah, you are lucky! lol. ;) what I am really saying is I can let you in. I feel totally comfortable around you. You don't make me nervous & I don't have to premeditate conversations with you.  I could literally name these people on my fingers, but I wouldn't do that. So one might think its people I have known forever or those who know my deepest darkest secrets- nope, not the case at all. My very best friend & I have only been apart of each others lives for 3 yrs but she gets me better than anyone. I wish I knew what it was or the formula to follow to make more of these connections, my life would be so much easier! In one aspect I hate this about me & in another aspect I love it. Though I don't have many words I have an intuition that is out of this world. I often joke that I am psychic. Here is the deal, I am able to carry on conversation with lots of people and most people won't ever know that 90% of the time I am crazy uncomfortable. If I have to meet new people, I have to prepare myself days in advance. freakish I know!

I was recently told, "LeAnn you might not feel the need to get to know people, but people want to know you." Which got me thinking (as we INFJ's do too  much of!) I said, "I just wish when people met me I could give them a hand out explaining me so I wouldn't have to try to articulate it." Articulate is not a characteristic of an INFJ. Which is how I ended up writing this blog! Here it is a place I can explain myself through written words. So here it goes:

Hi! I'm LeAnn, an INFJ. You've probably never met anyone like me & you won't know what to think of me. I am very artistic, creative, gentle, caring, complex, & highly intuitive. i'm a perfectionist at its best. I am very private & hard to understand. I can feel what you are feeling, have genuine empathy. Everything in my life has an order or a system. Yet when it comes to personal things I am completely spontaneous. I have "gut" feelings about everything & regardless of what you say I will only trust my gut, my gut has only failed me once. I am as warm, as I am complex, often sending you mixed signals. One day you might think your my best friend & the next day you might think I hate you. In reality we are probably friends, you just don't get me yet... I am rarely at peace with myself, I always feel like I could be doing something more to better my world. I am constantly trying to achieve new things. I have very strong values & I don't waver. Naturally I am a nurturer, patient, devoted & protective. I have a stick to it attitude (once I've decided to do it.) I can be wishy washy with decisions. Once you have crossed over from friend to someone I connect with, nothing can break that bond. I will go to the grave for you, but I am very selective with who I let in; I have to know you'd do the same for me. I'm unaware & sometimes uncaring of how I come across to you. I can be cutting & sarcastic if you offend me.  I struggle with holding grudges & its hard for me to forgive people. To me most things are personal. I have a really hard time communicating my feelings. I also am very clumsy- constantly bumping into things or tripping. Grace is not my middle name! I know I'm a lot to figure out, but if you stick it out & aren't afraid to talk to me & you can understand that my expressions don't match my feelings, I promise I'm one of coolest people you will know. I mean even Oprah & Jesus are/were INFJ's!

healthy eating gone wrong!

I vowed as a pregnant, research savvy, know-it-all mom-to-be that I would not let my child have sweets until she was 3 & then she could have small amount of them. See... I have pretty strict thoughts on kids being raised on junk, I think it is horrible how parents pump their children full of junk & then wonder why they are acting out, not sleeping good, becoming overweight adults... you get the point. I was not going to do that! I consider myself pretty healthy & well balanced with my eating (90% of the time- the other 10% is my coffee addiction ;) I read an article out there about children developing their desire for certain foods by the age of 3, so my theory would work! RIGHT!? WRONG!!!! This totally backfired on me. I was extremely strict with Karly's diet. Then the day came & she met ice-cream. My daughter is full on addicted to ice-cream, honestly it is like nothing I've ever seen. She craves it & thinks no meal is complete with out it, she actually considers it a meal. One day we had "fun day" & I told her she could have dessert first, before dinner, you would have thought I told her she was going to Disney World. Never seen so much happiness! I would call her an ice-cream guru. She does not just settle for cheap grocery store ice-cream either. We were actually out the other day & she got a free one with a kids meal & threw it away cause she said "this is cheap ice-cream, they should not give this out!" LOL. This addiction has slowly gotten worse & worse... She now has a personal relationship with the ice-cream truck driver. He stopped the other day & she preceded to ask "Do you think that you could make me your first stop? and what time will you be coming?" She sits on the front porch every day at 5:36 cause she knows he is on his way! Part of me finds it absolutely adorable & the other part of me knows how wrong this is! LOL. I will say this, it is a generational thing-- her father has the same love. How can I tell her NO when Daddy is chasing down the ice-cream truck with her?! I'm at a loss here! My advise to those out there like myself-- stuff your child with sets as a baby & then maybe they'll hate them as they get bigger; cause depriving them of it definitely does not work! As for Karly, she swears that when she is 20 yrs old she is going to open a bakery & sell ice cream too! Guess I can't stifle her dreams. I mean it is dairy, right?! LOL! So much for my theory!

hailing the ice-cream truck!

You must get every last drop!

Our Trip, was a trip alright!

We have returned & are trying to adjust to being back from our vacation (if that is what you want to call it ;) It was by far the most stressful, or my choice word, "eventful" trip I have ever taken.  Let me fill you in!

We headed to the airport Sunday, April 1st. When I booked the trip I asked Jason, " Do you think it is safe to travel on April fools? I feel like our plane might crash or something?!" His reply: Laughter! " You don't really believe all that do you?" Well, lets just say I do now!

We headed to the airport, planning to get there at noon, plane didn't leave until 1:20. Plenty of time (or so we thought). Half way there Jason informs me that he didn't bring his wallet which has his drivers license in it! After my mini meltdown & scolding of 'who in the world travels without their wallet...' we turned around & headed back to the house. Not only did he not bring his wallet, he had no clue where it was (thanks to his new phone case he no longer needs a wallet-- blah blah blah!) Searched the house up & down as quick as possible. no wallet! I finally grabbed the passports & ran. On the way out the door I had an idea, He puts everything in pockets-- check the coat pockets. sure enough!" I found it! Lets GO!"

We then drove 90 to the airport & got there by 12:30! WOW that was close. Got through check in & security with flying colors (thanks to my pro like packing!) Yes that is right people, I packed both of us for a week in a carry on. I deserve an award for that alone! ;) At this point we were starving, I checked flight status & we were good, so we grabbed a bite to eat. Then headed to the gate, to find the gate empty. I thought it was a little weird that no one was there at the time we should be boarding. Right about mid thought, a lovely old friend "Aunt Flow" decided to show up (great timing as usual Flo!). I ran to the bathroom & took care of business. I came back & Jason sitting so calmly says, "um... I'm pretty sure I just watched our plane leave" "WHAT!!!! What do you mean?" I started to panic. Long story short. Sure enough we somehow missed it. No last call & they left a little early. After sorting through my thoughts of killing my husband & then almost breaking down into tears. It hit me. We were not suppose to be on that plane. A lot of people might think it was just stupidity on our part, but I don't believe that. We had 3 major barriers in getting to that plane & I believe for whatever reason God did not want us traveling on that flight.

We found a great lady who helped us work it out,  it just meant staying in the airport for 6+ hrs, staying in LA for a night. then reworking hotel, car rental & flight back... (UGH, but better than nothing!) Made it to LAX (which you can not pay me to go to that airport again) hunted down the cab, no actually we chased down the cab. LOL. It was at this point I realized that it was such a blessing that we did not check any luggage, if we would have, we would have had NOTHING with us to stay in LA! On the way to the hotel the cab driver loosely mentions that 3 people were killed on this street in the past month! Thanks for the FYI cabby, now I will not be sleeping! Oh did I mention that here on out we are on stand by flights?! AHHH.  I was determined to make it on the flight out of LA I didn't even care where it was taking me. After my husbands incredible sweet talk we had a verbal confirmation on the flight, but I was not convinced. It was packed. We were told that AA is currently over booking flights by 6-7 seats that people who have paid & have actual seats are not making it on the planes. I was praying like none other. We finally got actual tickets & I could relax. After the longest 24 hrs of my life we finally made it to HI!

We tried to stay longer since we lost so much time but it was going to cost $3000 per person! SAY WHAT?! not happening. We decided to get busy & pack our days full. And that is just what we did!

Sunrise: I think the first sunrise we have ever watched together. We are not exactly morning people.

Helicopter Ride.

Seriously the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! An absolute must if ever in Kauai. Worth every penny. However half way through I started feeling green. By the end I was praying "dear Jesus please don't let me hurl!" We were with 2 other couples & I did not want to ruin their experience by puking on them. I made it down to earth by the skin of my teeth & started popping Dramamine (my new best traveling partner) Within the hour we were scheduled to go sailing. ahhh. Not sure why I thought mixing the 2 events in the same day would be a good idea!

 I was popping those pills like candy & drinking my share of Ginger Ale! It was all good, steak dinner & all. It was beautiful, seeing whales, dolphins, the waters & mountains. amazing. 

The next day we were dead tired. I joke that we only spoke 20 words to each other, but really it was no joke. Jet lag had set in! Thank God Starbucks was in our resort! All I wanted was to sleep on the beach, however my honey was already fried! so he slept under the trees & I slept on the beach. LOL. And we drove all of Kauai. exploring. shopping. eating, shaved ice & wild boar pizza. I'm not exactly a fan of the food! I'll stick to the fruit stands!

I'll spare you the swim suit beach shots (my deepest apologies for them getting on FB. There were too many pix to sort so I just uploaded everything. sorry!)

One of my favorite things: kayaking & hiking. We took a long kayak ride and hiked through the jungle areas to a waterfall that we got to swim in. SO FUN! (sorry more swimsuit shots, just view the waterfall please!) ;)

When we signed up for this they told us we needed water/hiking shoes. We didn't have any so we started shopping. Jason found some no prob under $20. Score. Me on the other hand, every place was sold out of my size or were over $100, which I'm not paying to get in the water & mud. So I decided that I'd go in running shoes & just figure it out. Well... at one point I had Jason & some stranger carrying me like a Jew at a bar mitzvah. haa. I hardly like people I know touching me, more less strangers! A very humbling moment for me. I finally decided that the shoes were getting wet & I'd trash them when it was over, they were old any way. But did I? ha. NOPE. I packed sopping wet shoes into my bag & sent them home! They are now a great memory! From there we went to Kauai Coffee Plantation. LOVE IT! It was like wine tasting but coffee, which is wayyy better! It was like heaven to me! Got to take a tour & learn all about the coffee & drink as much as I wanted!

This was our 10 year anniversary trip. I like to say that the trip much resembled our marriage. Started off fast, then got a little rough, hit a spot where we didn't know if we'd ever make it, we then put our head in the game & made a decision that we were making it work no matter what we faced & we worked to get there. It wasn't always easy or as planned, but we got there & now it is Beautiful. Gorgeous. Peacefully. Fun. Exciting. Indescribable.

Some things I will take from this trip:

• Before leaving the state ask Jason if he has his wallet ;)
• You can never be too early for the airport
• I am not nearly as much of a city girl as I thought I was. I'm a small town girl who grew up in a big city.
• I have no desire to ever go to CALI again (the weather sucks, yeah that is what I said! it is always cold. what good is a beach if its too cold to swim? & the people are rude)
• St. Louis humidity does not even compare to Hawaii. I'll never complain about it again.
• There is nothing like a sugar loaf pineapple & coconut cake (I'm still dreaming about that darn cake!)
• Sometimes you just gotta trust that bad things happen for a reason & then just laugh about it
• Jet lag is a serious thing. no joke!
• Although HI is the most beautiful place I have ever been, next time we are going back to Barbados. I think I left a piece of my heart there. Its like a first love. 
• I'll from now on always pack Dramamine 
• It doesn't matter what you do or where you go if you are with your best friend
• I have grown a lot in 10 yrs., I packed in a carry on--A lot less maintenance! You should have seen my Dad's face when I showed him the luggage! He did not believe it -LOL.
• I need to purchase a pair of water/hiking shoes
• And no matter how much I try to like it, seafood is just disgusting! Fresh or not.
• Never fly on April fools, the joke will be on you!

Love this man & all he has brought to my life in the past 10 years! Can't wait to see where the next 10 take us...